My Fathers Job

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you're first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy''s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy''s father said, "I'm actually an attorney, but how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

On Leaders

Scroll down to the last of the content in the left pane of this blog and you will see that Free Advice has 1 Follower.

As this blog now has a follower, I hereby declare "Free Advice" a "Leader" in the blogosphere.

Accurate Pie Chart

2008 College Football - Week 9 Mentzer Rankings

Top 25 + after 10/25 games. Penn State jumped to number 2, but will probably slide back down due to the bye week, assuming an Alabama win. A Texas Tech win will probably jump them ahead of Penn State since the win will be over Texas. So Penn State will probably come in at number 3 next week. Michigan is the lowest ranked Big Ten Team at this point. Penn States next opponent - Iowa, comes in at number 53.

Standing Team W L F1 W F1 L W/L F1
1 Texas 8 0 198 0 1.0000 1.0000
2 Penn State 9 0 162 0 1.0000 1.0000
3 Alabama 8 0 153 0 1.0000 1.0000
4 Texas Tech 8 0 122 0 1.0000 1.0000
5 Boise State 7 0 115 0 1.0000 1.0000
6 Utah 8 0 110 0 1.0000 1.0000
7 Ball State 8 0 103 0 1.0000 1.0000
8 Tulsa 8 0 83 0 1.0000 1.0000
9 Georgia 7 1 150 3 0.8750 0.9804
10 Oklahoma 7 1 128 3 0.8750 0.9771
11 Oklahoma State 7 1 112 3 0.8750 0.9739
12 TCU 8 1 109 5 0.8889 0.9561
13 Ohio State 7 2 151 11 0.7778 0.9321
14 Missouri 6 2 106 8 0.7500 0.9298
15 Brigham Young 7 1 76 6 0.8750 0.9268
16 Minnesota 7 1 101 8 0.8750 0.9266
17 USC 6 1 122 13 0.8571 0.9037
18 Michigan State 7 2 128 20 0.7778 0.8649
19 Florida 6 1 123 20 0.8571 0.8601
20 Florida State 6 1 99 17 0.8571 0.8534
21 Oregon 6 2 56 11 0.7500 0.8358
22 LSU 5 2 67 14 0.7143 0.8272
23 Air Force 6 2 74 17 0.7500 0.8132
24 North Carolina 6 2 128 30 0.7500 0.8101
25 Cincinnati 5 2 66 19 0.7143 0.7765

42 Notre Dame 4 2 54 24 0.6667 0.6923

48 Vanderbilt 5 3 96 51 0.6250 0.6531

53 Iowa 5 3 68 42 0.6250 0.6182

86 Michigan 2 6 36 75 0.2500 0.3243

119 Washington 0 7 0 86 0.0000 0.0000
120 North Texas 0 8 0 137 0.0000 0.0000

I Hope Tim Dienhart Gets Cholera

On Grandstanding

Mentzer College Football Rankings?

What factors are included in the Mentzer College Football Rankings? I read this interesting article on rivals.com that basically says: according to computer algorithms Penn State football isn't very good. Yet, the Mentzer College Football Rankings are similar to the USA Today, AP, and BCS polls. The guy who wrote the article seemed to put more weight on computer rankings than human polls.

Either way, the fate of Penn State's post-season will pretty much be determined this weekend in Columbus...

REPORTERS NOTEBOOK (Gettysburg Times: 10/25/08) - "The Sheetz Gas Card"

I was leaving a party several weekends ago, when the skies greeted my exit with a downpour.
Actually, it was more like a monsoon.
It was nearly impossible to walk through the parking lot to my car without getting drenched, even with an umbrella.
My date suggested that she’d wait at the party while I trek through the parking lot to find the vehicle. Naturally, I concurred, because you always have to follow a woman’s advice.
After walking what seemed like several miles, all uphill, through a hurricane and multiple lakes in the parking lot, I returned to find my date chatting with Mr. and Mrs. John Horner of Gettysburg. Appropriately, I offered to drive the Horner’s to their vehicle, so they wouldn’t get wet.
Not only did I enjoy their company, we somehow managed to solve all of the world’s problems in our 90 second drive to their vehicle.
Surprisingly, this week, I received a card in the mail from the Horners. Enclosed was a $25 gas card for Sheetz.
“Hopefully, you’ll find this gas card handy next time you need to fill up,” John wrote.
I’ll happily drive the Horners to their vehicle anytime I bump into them.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer.

2008 College Football - Week 8 Mentzer Rankings

Top 25 after 10/18 games.

Standing Team         W L F1 W F1 L W/L F1
1   Texas             7 0 136 0 1.0000 1.0000
2   Alabama           7 0 117 0 1.0000 1.0000
3   Penn State        8 0 101 0 1.0000 1.0000
4   Utah              8 0 98  0 1.0000 1.0000
5   Oklahoma State    7 0 97  0 1.0000 1.0000
6   Texas Tech        7 0 85  0 1.0000 1.0000
7   Boise State       6 0 79  0 1.0000 1.0000
8   Ball State        7 0 74  0 1.0000 1.0000
9   Tulsa             7 0 70  0 1.0000 1.0000
10  Georgia           6 1 113 3 0.8571 0.9741
11  Oklahoma          6 1 103 3 0.8571 0.9717
12  TCU               7 1 91  5 0.8750 0.9479
13  Ohio State        7 1 125 8 0.8750 0.9398
14  Missouri          5 2 74  6 0.7143 0.9250
15  Minnesota         6 1 73  6 0.8571 0.9241
16  Cincinnati        5 1 55  5 0.8333 0.9167
17  Brigham Young     6 1 61  6 0.8571 0.9104
18  Boston College    5 1 57  7 0.8333 0.8906
19  South Florida     6 1 65  9 0.8571 0.8784
20  Northwestern      6 1 68 10 0.8571 0.8718
21  LSU               5 1 61  9 0.8333 0.8714
22  USC               5 1 87 13 0.8333 0.8700
23  Georgia Tech      6 1 69 11 0.8571 0.8625
24  Michigan State    6 2 98 17 0.7500 0.8522
25  Kansas            5 2 54 11 0.7143 0.8308
26  Florida State     5 1 57 12 0.8333 0.8261
27  Florida           5 1 85 18 0.8333 0.8252
28  Pittsburgh        5 1 94 23 0.8333 0.8034
     
38  Illinois          4 3 42 16 0.5714 0.7241
     
44  Notre Dame        3 2 49 22 0.6000 0.6901
     
71  Wisconsin         3 4 39 45 0.4286 0.4643
     
86  Michigan          2 5 29 53 0.2857 0.3537
     
119  North Texas      0 7 0 103 0.0000 0.0000
120  Washington       0 6 0  69 0.0000 0.0000

2008 College Football - Week 7 Mentzer Rankings

Top 25 + other teams of interest. Michigan ranked at #87. May they finish below #100

Winning Percentages
Stand Team W L F1 W F1 L W/L F1
1 Texas 6 0 89 0 1.0000 1.0000
2 Alabama 6 0 83 0 1.0000 1.0000
3 Penn State 7 0 78 0 1.0000 1.0000
4 Utah 7 0 73 0 1.0000 1.0000
5 Oklahoma State 6 0 69 0 1.0000 1.0000
6 Ball State 7 0 68 0 1.0000 1.0000
7 Texas Tech 6 0 63 0 1.0000 1.0000
8 Boise State 5 0 57 0 1.0000 1.0000
9 Brigham Young 6 0 50 0 1.0000 1.0000
10 Tulsa 6 0 48 0 1.0000 1.0000
11 Oklahoma 5 1 66 3 0.8333 0.9565
12 Georgia 5 1 65 3 0.8333 0.9559
13 Missouri 5 1 60 3 0.8333 0.9524
14 TCU 6 1 60 5 0.8571 0.9231
15 Michigan State 6 1 83 7 0.8571 0.9222
16 Ohio State 6 1 79 8 0.8571 0.9080
17 Minnesota 6 1 59 6 0.8571 0.9077
18 Connecticut 5 1 57 6 0.8333 0.9048
19 Northwestern 5 1 50 6 0.8333 0.8929
20 Cincinnati 5 1 39 5 0.8333 0.8864
21 North Carolina 5 1 62 8 0.8333 0.8857
22 Kansas 5 1 45 6 0.8333 0.8824
23 South Florida 5 1 57 8 0.8333 0.8769
24 Georgia Tech 5 1 50 8 0.8333 0.8621
25 Wake Forest 4 1 54 9 0.8000 0.8571
26 USC 4 1 70 12 0.8000 0.8537
27 Florida 5 1 66 13 0.8333 0.8354
28 Florida State 4 1 35 7 0.8000 0.8333

31 LSU 4 1 34 8 0.8000 0.8095

36 Notre Dame 3 2 44 12 0.6000 0.7857

87 Michigan 2 4 23 41 0.3333 0.3594

100 Temple 2 5 12 45 0.2857 0.2105

119 Washington 0 5 0 46 0.0000 0.0000
120 North Texas 0 6 0 59 0.0000 0.0000

On the Economy

There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.
- Richard Feynman

On Cigarette Smoking

On Joe Biden

Results from the Free Advice Poll regarding the rumor that Joe Biden will drop off the Democrat Ticket on or about October 5th:

Before October 5th - %16
After October 5th  - %33
October 5th        - %16
Remain on Ticket   - %33
Present            - %16

On Dogs

From Boston Dynamics - if this thing could just hunt!

Happy Halloween

Trick or Treat.

2008 College Football - Week 6 Mentzer Rankings

After Week 6, top 25 and other notables

Standing Team W L F1 W F1 L W/L F1
1 Alabama 6 0 70 0 1.0000 1.0000
2 Vanderbilt 5 0 66 0 1.0000 1.0000
3 Missouri 5 0 56 0 1.0000 1.0000
4 Utah 6 0 55 0 1.0000 1.0000
5 Ball State 6 0 54 0 1.0000 1.0000
6 Oklahoma 5 0 53 0 1.0000 1.0000
7 Penn State 6 0 52 0 1.0000 1.0000
8 Texas 5 0 51 0 1.0000 1.0000
9 Tulsa 5 0 42 0 1.0000 1.0000
10 Northwestern 5 0 41 0 1.0000 1.0000
11 Boise State 4 0 39 0 1.0000 1.0000
12 Oklahoma State 5 0 38 0 1.0000 1.0000
13 Texas Tech 5 0 35 0 1.0000 1.0000
14 Brigham Young 5 0 30 0 1.0000 1.0000
15 LSU 4 0 26 0 1.0000 1.0000
16 Georgia 4 1 42 3 0.8000 0.9333
17 TCU 5 1 37 3 0.8333 0.9250
18 Cincinnati 4 1 33 3 0.8000 0.9167
19 Kentucky 4 1 29 3 0.8000 0.9063
20 Michigan State 5 1 53 7 0.8333 0.8833
21 Connecticut 5 1 41 6 0.8333 0.8723
22 Ohio State 5 1 54 8 0.8333 0.8710
23 Minnesota 5 1 38 6 0.8333 0.8636
24 Notre Dame 3 1 35 6 0.7500 0.8537
25 South Florida 5 1 46 8 0.8333 0.8519

32 Auburn 4 2 26 6 0.6667 0.8125
33 Florida State 4 1 30 7 0.8000 0.8108

36 USC 3 1 46 12 0.7500 0.7931
37 Illinois 3 2 23 6 0.6000 0.7931

50 Wisconsin 3 2 32 18 0.6000 0.6400

56 Michigan 2 3 22 16 0.4000 0.5789

119 Washington 0 5 0 36 0.0000 0.0000
120 North Texas 0 5 0 38 0.0000 0.0000

This is the way that a National Anthem should be sung.

I'm not even Canadian, but this gave me goose bumps :)

On Popular Mechanics

REPORTERS NOTEBOOK (Gettysburg Times: 10/04/08) - "Splitting the Bill"

Why is it that every time I’m out a restaurant with what I would consider a small group of people — four or less — and we ask the waitress or cashier to split our bill, they look at us as if we’re speaking Japanese?
Seriously, what is so hard about splitting a bill?
I was enjoying brunch last weekend with friends in Gettysburg, and we took our invoice to the cashier, and asked her to split it four ways.
She stared at us.
It's not rocket science.
Seconds later, she pressed a variety of buttons, and the cash register malfunctioned.
The cashier then asked colleagues for help, and buzzed the manager for assistance.
I stepped outside, unable to bear it anymore.
Our country has landed people on the moon, created an atomic bomb, Al Gore invented the Internet, the Wright Brothers flew an airplane for the first time, and we even have a telephone thanks Alexander Graham Bell.
But for some reason, we haven’t figured out how to split a bill four ways.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer.

On Adjectives

"...a man who has written a great work of fiction that has moved millions around the world to spasms of emotional angst and hair-shirted asshattery. "

I wonder, what, besides asshattery, can be qualified as "hair-shirted"?

2008 College Football - 1st Mentzer Rankings

It's back, by popular demand. Here are the Top 25 Teams + a few others of noteriety, after 5 weeks

Standing Team W L F1 W F1 L F W %
1 Alabama 5 0 52 0 1.0000
2 Utah 5 0 43 0 1.0000
3 Vanderbilt 4 0 43 0 1.0000
4 Northwestern 5 0 38 0 1.0000
5 Ball State 5 0 38 0 1.0000
6 South Florida 5 0 36 0 1.0000
7 Oklahoma 4 0 35 0 1.0000
8 Penn State 5 0 31 0 1.0000
9 Texas 4 0 31 0 1.0000
10 Connecticut 5 0 31 0 1.0000
11 Boise State 3 0 30 0 1.0000
12 Missouri 4 0 29 0 1.0000
13 Oklahoma State 4 0 26 0 1.0000
14 Kentucky 4 0 26 0 1.0000
15 LSU 4 0 25 0 1.0000
16 Tulsa 4 0 23 0 1.0000
17 Texas Tech 4 0 21 0 1.0000
18 Brigham Young 4 0 20 0 1.0000
19 Georgia 4 1 37 3 0.8000
20 TCU 4 1 29 3 0.8000
21 Oregon 4 1 24 3 0.8000
22 Auburn 4 1 22 3 0.8000
23 Duke 3 1 21 3 0.7500
24 Air Force 3 1 21 3 0.7500
25 Kansas 3 1 16 3 0.7500

27 Michigan State 4 1 31 6 0.8000
28 Minnesota 4 1 28 6 0.8000
29 Ohio State 4 1 32 7 0.8000

33 Wisconsin 3 1 28 8 0.7500
34 Notre Dame 2 1 21 6 0.6667

44 USC 2 1 23 9 0.6667

46 Florida 3 1 20 8 0.7500

48 Michigan 2 2 21 9 0.5000

118 North Texas 0 4 0 20 0.0000
119 Washington 0 4 0 21 0.0000
120 Army 0 4 0 40 0.0000