Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Reporters Notebook: 022109 - "Happy Valentines Day"
Before we traveled to Ohio last Friday to visit family, Uncle Stan and I stopped at Aunt Patti May’s house to drop off a special delivery.
“What are doing here?” I asked my uncle, barely awake at the crack of dawn, as I climbed out of the truck.
Uncle Stan replied: “Grandma Mentzer sent the kids Valentines, and I was instructed to give them to the Mays."
Four grandchildren — three school age sons and one daughter — occupy the May household.
We went inside the house, where some of the children were still sleeping
.Uncle Stan intended to hand over the gift bags.
Then it dawned on me.
“Where is my bag?” I asked.
Silence ensued.“
You’re not short and cute anymore,” laughed Aunt Patti.
She does have me there.
I think Uncle Stan ate the treats before he picked me up in the morning.
~ Scot A. Pitzer
On Fashion
You've hit rock bottom when the least embarrassing thing about your outfit is your junk hanging out.
Originally posted here.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
On the Orioles
O's newly acquired veteran catcher Greg Zaun reports that Koji Uehara has "above-average Major League stuff".
I hope he really means "as compared to Major League pitchers", and not "as compared to Oriole pitchers".
Friday, February 13, 2009
Top College Sports Towns
State College finished at #4 even though it is techniqually a borough...
Other Big Ten Colleges finishing in the top 10:
10. University of Indiana (Bloomington, Ind)
4. Penn State (State College, PA)
3. University of Wisconsin (Madison, Wisc)
1. University of Michigan (Ann Arbor, Mich)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
On Legislation
Why did President Obama allow House Democrats to author the stimulus package instead of authoring it himself?
Is it because he was consumed in the transition process and therefore unable to author the bill in a timely fashion? or is it because he does not know how to author legislation?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
On Watching what you say
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
"I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
On Spending
If you spend your money at Wal-Mart - China gets it.
If you spend your money on gasoline - Arabs get it.
If you spend your money on produce - Mexico gets it.
If you spend your money on a new car - Japan gets it.
If you spend your money on a computer - India gets it.
If you spend your money on junk - Taiwan gets it.
The Free Advice reader may wish to know where/how one's money can be spent to stimulate the U.S. economy:
yard sales, baseball games, bourbon, hookers, tatoos
Monday, February 09, 2009
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Reporters Notebook: 020709 - "When I Get Old & I Can't See, I Want To Be A Referee"
Just when you think you’ve seen it all, I witnessed a true stunner in Biglerville.
Home fans actually applauded a referee during a wrestling match.
No, I’m not kidding.
Two wrestling teams had just finished their customary warmups, but couldn’t start the match because there was no referee. It was a post-season District III-Double A Team Tournament match, so two officials were assigned to the contest.
None were present.
A five minute delay ensued.
When the two officials finally entered the gymnasium, the home fans gave the referees a rousing ovation.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Fans welcomed the officials to the Canner Dome.
One official actually turned to the Canner Faithful, wove his hand and bowed his head.
It was an historic moment.
Of course, both were booed the rest of the night.
~ Scot A. Pitzer
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
On Teleportation
This is interesting, but the explanation is inadequate. If they must irradiate the 2nd atom to restore the information destroyed by measuring the 1st atom, that's copying, not teleportation.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
On the Super Bowl
The Free Advice Super Bowl poll result: 100% predicted a Steeler victory.
Regarding the old adage that "Defense wins championships" - the Steelers defense outscored the Cardinals defense by a score of 6-2. The 4 point margin was also the final margin of victory.
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