Thursday, May 29, 2008

REPORTERS NOTEBOOK: "Wiffleball Upset"

Legends were born Monday at Mentzer Field near York, where the Nieces & Nephews Team pulled off an unimaginable upset in the annual Memorial Day Wiffleball Bash, thumping the Aunts & Uncles contingent 11-4.
“Pundits were counting us out,” said team captain Scot Pitzer. “The experts said we couldn’t do it. But we persevered.”
The understaffed but undeterred Nieces & Nephews Team was sparked by inspiring — and surprising — performances by Shelley Sterner, Kaila May, and Jamie Pitzer.
“I may not run, throw, jump, stretch or catch, but one thing I know how to do is play wiffleball,” an exuberant Shelley Sterner said after the thrilling victory.
The Nieces and Nephews squad was without the services of first-basewoman Meagan Sterner (who was in Boston), outfielder Michael Edwin Pitzer (studying at PSU-Hershey), outfielder Davey Sterner (who was working) and the five Mentzer siblings, who remained stationed in Ohio.
“They came in as underdogs, but left as champions,” said Aunt Vicki, who watched the contest from the outfield bleachers.
Things certainly didn’t start well for the Nieces & Nephews Team — starting hurler Jamie Pitzer gave up four runs in the top of the 1st inning, but the young hurler settled down, fooling opposing batters as the game progressed with a mix of blazing fast balls and off-speed pitches.
“We couldn’t hit any of that junk she was throwing,” said a disappointed Uncle Stan.
Kaila May filled in admirably for Meagan Sterner at first base, and made several highlight-reel defensive plays.
“She’s going to be a good player on that team for years to come,” Grandma Mentzer said regarding May, a fifth-grader at Arendtsville Elementary.
The game was actually halted by veteran umpire Pappy Mentzer midway through the fifth inning for what he called the “ten-run rule.” When informed that the Nieces & Nephews Team only had a seven-run lead, Pappy Mentzer changed his ruling to a “heat-related” decision.
Shelley Sterner, who played an entire game for the first time ever, and cousin Travis Schriver, who belted two homers, were named co-MVPs.
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

On O's Victory Total

Orioles 2008 Victory Poll













Poll Ended QuestionMore than 69 Games Less than 69 Games69 Games
May 24, 2008O's on pace to win 87. How many wins?67%33%0%
May 17, 2008O's on pace to win 81. How many wins?71%29%0%
May 10, 2008O's on pace to win 83. How many wins?25%75%0%
May 3, 2008O's on pace to win 91. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 26, 2008O's on pace to win 99. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 19, 2008O's on pace to win 96. How many wins?50%50%0%
April 12, 2008O's are 2-1. How many wins?20%80%0%
April 5, 2008O's won 69 in '07. How many in '08?25%75%0%

Sunday, May 25, 2008

All figured out...


...why a couple of good wrestlers were kicked off the team a few weeks ago. Stupid kids!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Independent team deals pitcher for 10 maple bats

http://sports.espn.go.com/minorlbb/news/story?id=3409864

McALLEN, Texas -- During three years in the low minors, John Odom never really made a name for himself.
That sure changed this week -- he's the guy who was traded for a bunch of bats.
"I don't really care," he said Friday. "It'll make a better story if I make it to the big leagues."
For now, Odom is headed to the Laredo Broncos of the United League. They got him Tuesday from the Calgary Vipers of the Golden Baseball League for a most unlikely price: 10 Prairie Sticks Maple Bats, double-dipped black, 34-inch, C243 style.
"They just wanted some bats, good bats -- maple bats," Broncos general manager Jose Melendez said.
According to the Prairie Sticks Web site, their maple bats retail for $69 each, discounted to $65.50 for purchases of six to 11 bats.
"It will be interesting to see what 10 bats gets us," Melendez said.
The Canadian team signed Odom about a month ago, but couldn't get the 26-year-old righty into the country. It seems Odom had a minor but unspecified criminal record that wasn't revealed to immigration officials before they scanned his passport, Vipers president Peter Young said.
Odom said the charge stemmed from a fight he was in at age 17. Although he thought it had been expunged from his record, it popped up during immigration.
Odom spent hundreds of dollars driving to the Canadian border and staying at a Montana hotel while the matter was sorted out. He then drove to Laredo after the trade.
Originally from Atlanta, Odom was drafted late by the San Francisco Giants in 2003. He pitched 38 games, all in Class A, from 2004-06, and was released by the organization this spring.
Laredo intends to activate Odom on Monday and have him make his first start Wednesday.
Odom said he was supposed to be traded for Laredo's best hitter. But when that player balked at moving to Calgary, the bats entered the deal.
Laredo offered cash for Odom, but Young said that was "an insult."
The bat trade wasn't the first time Calgary came up with some creative dealmaking. The Vipers once tried to acquire a pitcher for 1,500 blue seats when they were renovating their stadium, Young said.
Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Reporters Notebook (Gburg Times: 052408) - "Wiffleball Bash"

“Your team is in trouble,” read the text message that I received earlier this week.
It was from Uncle Stan, of course, concerning the annual Wiffle Ball Bash at Grandma Mentzer’s on Memorial Day. The monumental clash pits the Aunts and Uncles versus the Nieces and Nephews in a combat of willpower, attitude, athleticism, brawn, hustle, teamwork and stamina.
“Half your team is missing,” said another text message.
I assumed that he was just talking trash, because other than launching mammoth homerun blasts into Grandma’s wood-lot, that’s what Uncle Stan does best. But it turns out, he was right.
Uncle Jeff’s family supposedly isn’t making the trek from Ohio. The problem? He has five kids, and they’re all All-Stars on my team.
Another bombshell: cousin Meagan, our first baseman for the past 20 years, is in Boston, so we’ll be missing her services.
The team is also recovering from a wide variety of injuries that nagged us all winter.
My batting average has steadily declined over the years.
My brother isn’t the slugger he once was.Cousin Davey can’t cover the ground he once did in center field.
My sister gave up 12 runs last time she pitched.
And cousin Shelley told me at Easter: “I don’t run. I don’t jog. I don’t jump. I don’t stretch. I don’t do any of of that stuff. I don’t like it.” (We’re going to need her to step up this year.)
Things certainly do not look favorable, but that doesn’t deter my optimism.
“You’re going down,” I wrote to Uncle Stan.
It’s going to be an epic game at Mentzer Field.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

HECTIC SCENE AT HOSPITAL


BY SCOT ANDREW PITZER - Times Staff Writer
Published: Tuesday, May 20, 2008 7:14 AM EDT

“I just heard everybody crying and yelling and screaming,” said Wilson Middle School student Austin Lisk. “It (stinks) — it’s just a huge adrenaline rush that I never want to experience again.”
The eighth grader was one of more than 40 Carlisle area students and chaperones involved in an Adams County bus accident Monday afternoon along U.S. 15, just north of Gettysburg. A front tire of the Wolf’s Bus Line coach — which was hauling students home from a Washington D.C. field trip — popped shortly after 5:30 p.m., and the bus rolled over onto its right side.
Lisk’s blue hooded sweatshirt was dotted with blood stains.
“We went off the road and flipped in the air,” said Lisk, who was discharged from Gettysburg Hospital several minutes before 8 p.m. “I don’t think anyone was seriously hurt, but there are a lot of students here.”

Gettysburg Hospital was the scene of utter commotion Monday evening: 12 students were transported to the facility via ambulance and treated for minor injuries, and another 24 students were taken to the hospital by another Wolf’s bus and evaluated. Five individuals were flown from the scene of the accident to Hershey Medical Center.
“The situation is very hectic,” admitted Wellspan spokesman Barry Sparks. “Some students are being treated for injuries, some have already went home, and we’re still contacting some parents.”
The media had restricted access to students and parents at the hospital campus. Television and newspaper reporters were instructed by security to convene in a hospital area far away from the parking lot where family and students were entering and exiting the building.
Two reporters and a cameraman were seeking comments from students and guardians along South Washington Street, when they were scolded by security and told to return to the sidewalk because they “were on private property.”
Most of the students and parents declined to talk on the record to the media, but some did disclose accident details.
“I just want to go home,” one visibly-shaken student said as she got into her mother’s van.
Three students, after being transported to Gettysburg Hospital, were subsequently taken to the York Hospital Trauma Center. Two students were airlifted — helicopters arrived at the Gettysburg Hospital campus around 8:15 p.m. and departed nearly 15 minutes later — while the third one was taken to the trauma center via ambulance.
“The students that were flown to York were deemed by physicians at Gettysburg Hospital to be best treated at a trauma center,” explained Wellspan Public Relations Director Rick Ayers. “York is the closest.”
As of press time, nine patients were still undergoing evaluation and treatment at Gettysburg Hospital. Dozens of students had already been released to their parents and were taken home. Medical officials were unable to disclose specific injuries.

TOUR BUS TOPPLES: 47 hurt


Bus Transporting Middle School Students Blows Front Tire on U.S. 15
BY RICK FULTON - Times Staff Writer
Published: Tuesday, May 20, 2008 7:14 AM EDT

More than 40 passengers, mostly juveniles, were transported for evaluation and/or treatment following a one-vehicle accident involving a tour bus Monday on Route 15 in Straban Township.
According to state police, the driver of a charter bus carrying 46 passengers lost control of the vehicle in the northbound lane of Route 15 just south of Route 394 overpass around 5:35 p.m.
The bus subsequently crossed over the median strip into the southbound lane into oncoming traffic and overturned onto its right side after striking the embankment on the west side of the roadway, the front of the bus facing north.
The wrecked bus was transporting passengers comprised of 13 to 14-year-old students from Wilson Middle School, 900 Waggoners Gap Road, Carlisle, and their chaperones on a return trip from Washington, D.C.

As dozens of emergency personnel and police continued to converge on the scene of the accident, groups of students, some lying, some sitting, some standing in small groups and ringed by rescuers, awaited transport for medical treatment or evaluation, as firemen gathered up their belongings from the roadside.
Convoys of ambulances formed along the wreck scene in the closed southbound lane as emergency workers accessed and prioritized the nature of individual injuries.
At one point, a student or adult was being neck-braced, back-boarded by rescue personnel and loaded onto an awaiting ambulance at the rate of one a minute.
“It was difficult getting friends to let go of friends to get them treated,” Gettysburg Fire Department Chief Kenneth Kime, Jr. said.
Kime, who happened to be traveling south on Route 15 at the time of the crash, was one of the first on the scene, and actually witnessed the accident.
“All I saw was a black shadow going across the road,” then, as he approached he saw “thick dust settling.” Kime pulled over near the wreck. “I started triaging the patients and notified 9-1-1.”
Of the 47 individuals on the bus, five passengers and the driver, whose name police had not released by press time, were transported from the scene by ambulance to the Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center.
Their injuries were described as serious but not life-threatening, according to Kime, “as far as we could tell.”
Of the remainder, 24 were transported by ambulance to Gettysburg Hospital, and the remainder, described as the “walking wounded,” were then loaded aboard another bus provided by Wolf’s and taken to gettysburg hospital.Kime said some of the kids didn’t want to get on that bus, but finally agreed to.
Some confusion in numbers remained on-going at the scene because police and fire could not initially get an accurate head-count of how many people were supposed to be on the bus before the accident.
“One of the chaperones initially said 54, then 57. She was obviously shaken up,” Kime stated.
The Motor Coach Industries-manufactured bus belonged to Wolf’s Bus Lines out of York Springs. The bus that crashed was being followed by a second Wolf’s bus that was not involved.
About 300 feet south of the wrecked bus, a number of large chunks of tire lie alongside the northbound lane, and police said it appeared the front driver-side tire and blown or come apart, causing the driver to lose control.
The bus driver, who attempted to aid injured students in spite of his own injuries following the crash, told police the tire went out on the driver’s side.
Kime said witnesses stated that, when the tire went, the driver “tried feverishly to get the bus under control.”
Excessive speed was not considered a factor, according to a very preliminary police assessment.
The Gettysburg fire chief said drivers who witnessed the accident left their vehicle and began to try and open up escape hatches in the overturned bus.
However, he said, by then most of the children and adults had “self-extricated” themselves by climbing through the the front of the bus where the windshield had been broken out.
As the kids and adults crawled out of the wrecked bus, “there was a lot of crying and hugging,” Kime stated.
The last student was transported from the scene at 6:20 p.m.Ambulances responding included those from Aspers, Gettysburg, Biglerville, New Oxford, Bonneauville, Bendersville, Littlestown and SAVES.
Also responding to the scene were members of the Gettysburg Fire Department, fire police, Medic 28 and Medic 46.The southbound lane of Route 15 was closed for several hours.

Monday, May 19, 2008

On O's Victory Total

Orioles 2008 Victory Poll












Poll Ended QuestionMore than 69 Games Less than 69 Games69 Games
May 17, 2008O's on pace to win 81. How many wins?71%29%0%
May 10, 2008O's on pace to win 83. How many wins?25%75%0%
May 3, 2008O's on pace to win 91. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 26, 2008O's on pace to win 99. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 19, 2008O's on pace to win 96. How many wins?50%50%0%
April 12, 2008O's are 2-1. How many wins?20%80%0%
April 5, 2008O's won 69 in '07. How many in '08?25%75%0%

On Drinking

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Women's 4X4

""If you can't get it right with two of the fastest legs in the nation," Blake said, "something's wrong."
Outside of those two legs, though, the remaining two are virtually a crapshoot."

-- The Daily Collegian

The Big 10 Track and Field Championships are this weekend and I've enjoyed following the girls' team this season (the boys' team needs some work). Anyway, the PSU college paper did a humorous write-up on the women's 4x400 meter relay team... These ladies became the first team in PSU history to win a relay at the Penn Relays. They've been pretty dominant all year, and I suspect they'll perform well at the NCAA Championships in a few weeks.

Bad News for the Nittany Lion Wrestling Team

Scott and Rella were both dismissed from the team. They can "continue their academic and athletic careers at different schools."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Reporters Notebook (051708): "If Your Grandma Sees That, She'll Have a Conniption"

I was barely awake Sunday morning after entering Wenksville United Methodist Church when Pappy Pitzer greeted me with an astonished look.
“What’d you do to your hair?” asked Pap.
Great nuts.
“If your Grandma sees that,” Pap continued, “she’ll have a conniption.”
Grandma didn’t have what you would term a conniption — dictionary: a fit of hysterical excitement — but she did run a comb through my dirty blonde locks for three minutes.
I went to the barbershop Friday.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer

In for a Penny, In for a Pound?


Anyone following the Orioles this season has noticed that Daniel Cabrera (4-1, 3.58 ERA) has pitched effectively through 9 starts. The following table reflects Daniel Cabrera's career numbers (including 2008) against his 2008 numbers (through 9 starts).







TimeFrameIP/StartERAWHIPBB/9K/9
Career5.774.881.515.147.4
20086.73.581.233.585.52


The difference thus far in 2008 is that Cabrera is throwing strikes. In early April, when asked what he wanted from Cabrera, O's manager Dave Trembley said, "He needs to consistently repeat his delivery, use his fastball and pound the strike zone. I mean pound it. Pound it!"

Cabrera's K/9 is down along with ERA, WHIP and BB/9, however, if he keeps throwing strikes, the K/9 will edge back up. What he has (hopefully) learned, or is learning, is what all good ML pitchers know. While the great ones strike out many batters, a good pitcher pounds the strike zone with such consistency that every batter knows, upon stepping into the box, that he must swing the bat. The good pitcher then pounds the strike zone, allowing the fretsome batsmen to strike out.

SWEEP: Orioles 6, Red Sox 3


Payton, O's slam door
Outfielder is latest hero as grand slam helps secure sweep


By Jeff Zrebiec Sun reporter
May 15, 2008

They stood and cheered for several moments, waiting for outfielder Jay Payton to emerge from the dugout and acknowledge the crowd. When Payton didn't, starting pitcher Daniel Cabrera ducked his head out of the dugout instead and accepted the adulation.

These, indeed, are fun times for the Orioles, who are finding new heroes seemingly on a daily basis. Yesterday, it was Payton's turn as his seventh-inning grand slam capped another gritty comeback, and a 6-3 victory over the Boston Red Sox before an announced 28,939 at Camden Yards.

Down by three runs for the second straight day against the Red Sox, the Orioles scored twice in the sixth inning and then loaded the bases with two outs in the seventh. Payton lined Hideki Okajima's 0-1 fastball into the left-field seats, his fourth career grand slam, though his first since July 2005.

The homer, Payton's third of the season, secured a two-game sweep of the struggling Red Sox and the fifth win in the past six games for the Orioles (21-19). It was Boston's fourth straight loss and marked the first time since July 7-10, 2005, they had dropped consecutive games at Camden Yards.

"Nobody was really egging me on in the dugout," Payton said on not taking the curtain call. "I really wasn't even sure [they were calling for it]. I thought that maybe they were just still celebrating the home run. Daniel took [the curtain call] for me. He deserves it. He's been pitching great this year."

In his first matchup with the Red Sox since nearly inciting a bench-clearing brawl in September, Cabrera didn't have his best stuff over seven innings, allowing three runs on 10 hits, two of them solo home runs. But he walked none and kept the Orioles in the game long enough to earn a win - his second versus Boston in 11 starts - and for them to stage a late-inning rally. They've won six games after trailing in the sixth inning.

"Back-to-back days - a different guy today, same kind of scene, though," Orioles manager Dave Trembley said. "There was a lot of excitement in our dugout. It was great for our team and great for people that root for the Orioles."

It was Payton who put the Orioles on the board with an RBI groundout in the sixth that cut Boston's lead to 3-1 and ended Jon Lester's shutout bid. Nick Markakis, who had been hitless in his previous 11 at-bats, followed Payton with an RBI single to center.

The Orioles still trailed by a run and had two outs with nobody on in the seventh when they started their decisive rally, highlighted by four clutch at-bats, three of them delivered by players who either started the season on the bench or the disabled list. Shortstop Freddie Bynum, who rejoined the team last week after having knee surgery during spring training, hit an infield single to get things started. Catcher Guillermo Quiroz, a late addition to the lineup after Ramon Hernandez was scratched with a sore left wrist, then singled to right off Craig Hansen. That brought up Brian Roberts, who worked a 3-2 walk against Hansen to load the bases.

"I think people are seeing this team is pretty resilient and we certainly don't quit," Roberts said. "That's for sure. As I said early on, we're going to play all 27 outs. If you can beat us for all 27, we'll tip our hats. But we're going to grind out every at-bat and we're going to grind out every pitch."

With the bases loaded, Boston bench coach Brad Mills, the acting manager in the series because there was a death in Terry Francona's family, brought on left-hander Okajima rather than sticking with the right-handed Hansen. Okajima entered the game with a 0.50 ERA, but he left a pitch up that Payton was waiting for.

"It is probably the first time I've had a lefty brought in to face me, but a lefty [Lester] got me out the first three at-bats, so maybe they were just playing the numbers," Payton said. "He's been throwing the ball great. He just left a pitch over the middle fortunately. ... I feel like I've been swinging the bat decent and I haven't had a lot to show for it. It was nice to get a big win with one today."

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Baltimore Batters Beckett, BoSox: Orioles 5, Red Sox 4


Bullpen, Scott pitch in to lift O's
Johnson, Sherrill hold off Boston; DH hits 3-run HR
By Jeff Zrebiec Sun reporter
It was about the toughest spot possible for any reliever, never mind a 24-year-old converted starter who began the season at Triple-A Norfolk.
When Jim Johnson entered the game in the seventh inning last night with the Orioles clinging tight to a two-run lead, the Boston Red Sox had the bases loaded and no outs with Manny Ramirez at the plate. Johnson never blinked.
He finalized a tense 10-pitch at-bat by getting Ramirez to hit into a double play and then retired Mike Lowell to end the inning with the Orioles' two-run lead intact. Johnson's escape was the final improbability on a night full of them for the Orioles, who got a three-run home run from slumping Luke Scott and a five-out save from George Sherrill in a hard-earned 5-4 victory over the Red Sox before an announced 38,768 at Camden Yards.
"[Johnson] worked a pitching miracle, right there," said Orioles starter Jeremy Guthrie. "He didn't give into him. He executed an awful lot of pitches. That's the thing that's so difficult. He didn't throw three or four pitches and get a comebacker. He threw nine or 10 probably and he executed every single one of them exactly how he wanted to. ... He did stuff that I don't think any of us could have expected."
So did several other Orioles, who started a five-game homestand with one of the most gratifying wins of the season, and knocked the Red Sox out of first place in the American League East in the process. The Tampa Bay Rays' victory over the New York Yankees last night makes them the surprise leader in the division, while the Orioles (20-19) are in third place, three games back.
"It's a new team, a better team," said first baseman Kevin Millar, who was the star in a post-game video on the scoreboard that featured several players performing to the 'Orioles Magic' song. "We're better than people think."
Before the Orioles' first at-bat, they had already lost third baseman Melvin Mora, who bruised his right shoulder when he was the victim of a tough hop in batting practice. They also entered the game knowing catcher Ramon Hernandez was unavailable with a sore left wrist. And then Guthrie, in his duel with Boston ace Josh Beckett, went out and surrendered three first-inning runs, thanks in part to two Orioles errors.
Guthrie settled down to go six gritty innings and the Orioles' offense, which was held to two hits on Sunday in Kansas City, broke out against Beckett, pounding the ace for five earned runs and 11 hits over 5 2/3 innings. All of the Orioles' runs came on two-out hits.With the Orioles trailing 3-2 with two outs in the third, Scott drove Beckett's 1-0 fastball into the right-field seats for a three-run home run. Scott entered the game in a 7-for-55 slump, with just one extra-base hit since April 18 and homerless since April 8.
"I'll tell you man, that feeling, there's nothing like it," said Scott, who was 3-for-4. "It's the greatest high that you can have. ... That's what makes this game so worth it -- moments like that. ... I'm just so thankful and very grateful for today. It was a good day for the team, [and a] good day for me personally."
With the Orioles still leading by two runs in the seventh, Guthrie (2-3) gave up consecutive singles to Sean Casey and Dustin Pedroia, and then was removed by manager Dave Trembley, who brought in left-handed reliever Jamie Walker to face David Ortiz. Walker walked him to load the bases.
That's when Johnson entered. Ramirez, who is just two home runs shy of 500 for his career, kept spoiling good pitches by fouling them off. However, on the tenth pitch of the at-bat, all Ramirez could do with Johnson's 2-2 fastball in on his hands was hit a ball back to the mound. Johnson fielded it, threw home for the first out and then catcher Guillermo Quiroz fired to first for the double play.
"We're just trying to get the double play," said Johnson, who has given up just three earned runs in 22 2/3 innings this season. "Obviously, with Manny at the plate, it kind of changes things, but you've got to trust yourself and try to make good pitches. ... Giving up no runs is an unlikely scenario in that situation."
Johnson got the first out in the eighth, but proceeded to walk the next two batters and then gave up an RBI single to Alex Cora, who made the score 5-4. Trembley brought in Sherrill and asked the closer to get more than three outs for just the second time all year.
In the ninth, Sherrill struck out Ortiz on a 3-2 pitch in which home plate umpire Laz Diaz ruled that the Red Sox slugger, who tried to check his swing, had gone around. Ortiz was ejected for arguing the call. Sherrill then retired Ramirez on a flyout and struck out Lowell to end the game.
"I guess you start with Guthrie. He kind of epitomizes what tonight was all about for us," Trembley said. "I think it says something about our team, the way the guys came back against obviously one of the better pitchers in baseball. We had to work for it. We had to earn it. But I think everybody learned a little more about the Baltimore Orioles tonight."

ORIOLES MAGIC

Ya'll have got to watch this video. It may be the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life...but it sure gets you pumped up!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5fece_orioles-magic-2008_sport

On Politics

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
- Douglas Adams

On Luxury

The Orioles had not hit a 3-run home run all season until last Thursday against Kansas City.

Luke Scott blasted a 3-run shot in the 3rd inning off of Josh Beckett last night to give the O's a 5-3 lead on their way to a 5-4 victory over the Red Sox.

It was the 4th 3-run homer for the O's in the last 5 games with Nick Markakis, Aubrey Huff, Kevin Millar and Luke Scott providing the big blows.

The Orioles are 4-0 in the games in which they've hit a 3-run home run.

Monday, May 12, 2008

On O's Victory Total

Orioles 2008 Victory Poll











Poll Ended QuestionMore than 69 Games Less than 69 Games69 Games
May 10, 2008O's on pace to win 83. How many wins?25%75%0%
May 3, 2008O's on pace to win 91. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 26, 2008O's on pace to win 99. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 19, 2008O's on pace to win 96. How many wins?50%50%0%
April 12, 2008O's are 2-1. How many wins?20%80%0%
April 5, 2008O's won 69 in '07. How many in '08?25%75%0%

Sunday, May 11, 2008

On Business

A businessman was driving home from a trip to Arizona when he saw a Navajo elder walking down the rode. The businessman stopped and offered the elder a ride.

The ride continued on silently for several miles, until the Navajo elder broke the silence by inquiring of the businessman the contents of a brown bag on the car seat between them.

"It's a bottle of wine.", replied the businessman, "I got it for my wife."

The Navajo elder sat silently for a few more moments and then commented, "Good trade."

Saturday, May 10, 2008

On Welfare

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???"

"Yes, they're all mine," the mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy."

All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"Are they all named Leroy?," asks the caseworker.

The mother replies, "Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell,' Leroy!' and when it's time for dinner, I just Yell 'Leroy!' and they all come to dinner. If I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I have ever had, naming them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last name."

Friday, May 09, 2008

On Winning the Old Fashioned Way

The O's defeated the Royals last night in Kansas City by a 4-1 score in a fashion reminiscent of bygone glory days.

Daniel Cabrera pitched a complete game allowing 1 earned run on 3 hits and 1 walk while striking out 7.

The defense played errorless baseball.

Nick Markakis hit a 3-run homer. (Segue to Springsteen now....)

On Wit

A man owned a small farm. The State Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.'

'Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me', replied the farmer.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Reporters Notebook (Gettysburg Times: 051009) - "Social Status"

My cellular phone has — literally — hundreds of communication capabilities, and even though I only know how to work, like, five of those programs, it seems like there is someone that is trying to contact me at all hours of the day.
And I’m not even remotely popular.
In addition to my standard “unlimited minutes” phone service, I also have text messaging, email, photo, and Internet capabilities.When my phone isn’t buzzing or vibrating, it’s normally because it’s accidentally turned off.
Thursday night in the newsroom was one of the rare moments where my phone had been silent for an extended period of time.
“Why isn’t someone trying to get a hold of me?” I said, combining dejection and sarcasm, to reporter Rick Fulton, my colleague across the cubicle. “My phone has been quiet for more than three minutes.”
Seconds later, my phone rang.
It was editor B.J. Small (who had overheard my saga from his desk).
“Scot speaking.”
“Happy now?” B.J. asked.
My social status has been restored.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

the Baltimore Orioles: 10-17 since the 6-1 start


The offense is utterly listless.

On Planning Ahead

If this actually happens, I will consider it the the most impressive accomplishment by a Democrat since.... well, hell, in my lifetime.

Monday, May 05, 2008

On the O's Victories

Orioles 2008 Victory Poll










Poll Ended QuestionMore than 69 Games Less than 69 Games69 Games
May 3, 2008O's on pace to win 91. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 26, 2008O's on pace to win 99. How many wins?25%75%0%
April 19, 2008O's on pace to win 96. How many wins?50%50%0%
April 12, 2008O's are 2-1. How many wins?20%80%0%
April 5, 2008O's won 69 in '07. How many in '08?25%75%0%

Thursday, May 01, 2008

On Archeology

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:


It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was excavated, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. After months of study, they hosted a huge symposium to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, So they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."

"Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews. "

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......It says: Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick"