Reporters Notebook (Gburg Times: 052408) - "Wiffleball Bash"

“Your team is in trouble,” read the text message that I received earlier this week.
It was from Uncle Stan, of course, concerning the annual Wiffle Ball Bash at Grandma Mentzer’s on Memorial Day. The monumental clash pits the Aunts and Uncles versus the Nieces and Nephews in a combat of willpower, attitude, athleticism, brawn, hustle, teamwork and stamina.
“Half your team is missing,” said another text message.
I assumed that he was just talking trash, because other than launching mammoth homerun blasts into Grandma’s wood-lot, that’s what Uncle Stan does best. But it turns out, he was right.
Uncle Jeff’s family supposedly isn’t making the trek from Ohio. The problem? He has five kids, and they’re all All-Stars on my team.
Another bombshell: cousin Meagan, our first baseman for the past 20 years, is in Boston, so we’ll be missing her services.
The team is also recovering from a wide variety of injuries that nagged us all winter.
My batting average has steadily declined over the years.
My brother isn’t the slugger he once was.Cousin Davey can’t cover the ground he once did in center field.
My sister gave up 12 runs last time she pitched.
And cousin Shelley told me at Easter: “I don’t run. I don’t jog. I don’t jump. I don’t stretch. I don’t do any of of that stuff. I don’t like it.” (We’re going to need her to step up this year.)
Things certainly do not look favorable, but that doesn’t deter my optimism.
“You’re going down,” I wrote to Uncle Stan.
It’s going to be an epic game at Mentzer Field.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer