Gettysburg Times column: "O's woes continue"

May 4, 2007

BY SCOT ANDREW PITZER
Times Staff Writer

Not even one-fourth of the way into the 2007 edition of the Major League baseball season, the Baltimore Orioles have already sunk to new lows.
The optimism that greets each Opening Day first pitch has quickly cooled in Bird Land, where 10 straight losing seasons appears inevitable.
Sure, on paper, Baltimore is only a handful of games under the .500 mark.
But this team, both offensively and defensively, is so pathetically anemic that losses — as they have been for years — are now expected.
Victories are mere blips along the 162-game radar screen.
Day in, day out, this club routinely snatches defeat from the jaws of victory.
Why?
Quite frankly, this team is unfundamentally sound (or fundamentally unsound, however you want to look at it): pathetic offense, Little League defense, hurlers who can't throw strikes, and starting pitchers who never seem to find the sixth inning.
But fortunately, the season is not lost...yet.
The point of no return, however, is quickly approaching.
Here are four simple procedures that Warehouse officials can undertake — now — to right the feathery fists of futility.
(1). Tell the starters that they are out on the mound until they get at least one out in the seventh inning. If that means a 10-run deficit, oh well. If it means 150 pitches, oh well. If they come out before either, no paycheck for that start.
In the month of April, not one Oriole starter logged an out in the eighth inning. At this rate, the bullpen — which $40 million was poured into over the offseason — will fatigue by Memorial Day.
(2). Tell the hitters that anyone who swings at a first pitch is fined a game-day paycheck.
Baltimore batters, for some reason, aren't patient this season. The result? Opposing starters cruise into the late innings, mowing down Orioles batsmen in rapid fashion.
(3). Tell all the pitchers — starters and relievers — that for each walk, they owe 50 pushups, and are fined $2,500.
Last month, Oriole pitching led the Major Leagues in walks issued. And 95 percent of the time, those walks scored.
(4). Tell the hitters that runners-in-scoring position not cashed in will result in $6,000 for each runner. A grounded-into-double-play will set a hitter back $3,000.
During a game this week at Detroit, the Orioles were 1-16 with runners in scoring position.
I'm not kidding.
You almost have to try to be that bad.
Why the fines? Hit these professional athletes in the wallet where it stings, and perhaps — just maybe — they'll come around.
Evidently, hitting them in their pride does nothing.
This team must stop looking for new ways to fail, and start playing baseball like they care.
Nine years, and 30 games, of ineptitude is enough.
Scot Pitzer is a Times news reporter.