On Television

The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel. - From "Taxi"

On Quotes

I have suffered a great deal from writers who have quoted this or that sentence of mine either out of its context or in juxtaposition to some incongruous matter which quite distorted my meaning , or destroyed it altogether. - Alfred North Whitehead

A Day at the Peddlers Village

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

On Selling

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says "One".

The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101,237.65".

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "

On Wealth

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. - Rex Stout

On Hospitality

Eat all you want, just leave some.

- Fred Sanford

On Immigration

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says..... "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, FREE medical care and free education!"

The passer-by says.... "You are mistaken, I am Mexican"

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says.... "I no American, I Vietnamese"

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says..... "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks her...... "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says.... "Probably at work!"

On Marriage

MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from Greeland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular name (wolfman) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind. The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement, especially the American variety (felis pugnans), is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.

- Ambrose Bierce (The Devils Dictionary)

On Time

The increase of disorder or entropy with time is one example of what is called an arrow of time, something that distinguishes the past from the future, giving a direction to time. There are at least three different arrows of time. First, there is the thermodynamic arrow of time, the direction of time in which disorder or entropy increases. Then, there is the psychological arrow of time. This is the direction in which we feel time passes, the direction in which we remember the past but not the future. Finally, there is the cosmological arrow of time. This is the direction of time in which the universe is expanding rather than contracting.

- Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time)

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

- Groucho Marx

On Principle

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

- Mark Twain

On Grammar

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

- Sir Winston Churchill

It's a High Tech World

(click image to enlarge)

Nice to Know

NFL Playoff Predictions - Round 3

Saints over Bears
Colts over Patriots

Some Free Advice - I was 3 for 4 in Round 1, 2 for 4 in Round 2 for an overall prognostication record of 5-3.

Jeff skipped Round 1 but was perfect in Round 2.

Travel

"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down." - Mitch Hedberg

Ahhhhh, Advertising

As I was rinsing out my mouth this morning with my mouthwash of choice "Listerine", I noticed the label and it said the following

24 Hour Protection
against Plaque and Gingivitis Germs

Which seems like a great ad if you are selling this type of product, then I noticed underneath this lovely add the following directions

Use every 12 Hours

So, not only are they pulling you in with the ad, but they want you to use twice as much as you need so that you buy more. You gotta love advertisors.

What a Difference a Year Makes

"We have to consider the need for additional troops to be in Iraq, to take out the militias and stabilize Iraq ... I would say 20,000 to 30,000-for the specific purpose of making sure those militias are dismantled, working in concert with the Iraqi military."

— Silvestre Reyes (House Intelligence Committee Chairman), December 5, 2006

"I've committed more than 20,000 additional American troops to Iraq...These troops will work alongside Iraqi units and be embedded in their formations" .

— President George W. Bush, January 10, 2007

"We don't have the capability to escalate even to this minimal level."

— Silvestre Reyes (House Intelligence Committee Chairman), January 11, 2007

Sammy's Back!

The Texas Rangers have signed Sammy Sosa to a minor league contract

What can Brown do for you?

Black Holes?

Infinities and indivisibles transcend our finite understanding, the former on account of their magnitude, the latter because of their smallness; Imagine what they are when combined.

- Galileo Galilei (Two New Sciences 1638 )

Blonde Intellectual Defense

Physical objects are not in space, but these objects are spatially extended. In this way the concept "empty space" loses its meaning.

- Albert Einstein

Don't Worry, Be Happy Redux

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

- Van Wilder

Don't Worry, Be Happy

a La Di Da

- Van Morrison

Indeed, Why?

Why don't we do it in the road?

- Paul McCartney

NFL Playoff Predictions - Round 2

Ravens over Colts
Chargers over Patriots
Saints over Eagles
Bears over Seahawks

More Amazing!

This is really freaking cool! This is an electronmicrograph of the alveoli in your lungs (the air sacs where the oxygen/carbon dioxide exchange occurs in your body). You can see a big mass (MA) sitting on the lung tissue. That big mass is actually a macrophage, which is a cell produced in your bone marrow that travels around your body and eats invading bacteria. You have a lot of these things crawling around your lungs because you tend to inhale a lot of bacteria. Extending to the bottom-left (your left) of the macrophage is a pseudopod (false foot) and the arrows point to the edges of it. The pseudopod is used by the macrophage to crawl across the surface of the inside of your lungs as it scavenges for invading bacteria to destroy.

Don't Bother

Sometimes I think about stuff. And it's damned aggravating.

Amazing!

Guess what it is! Guess what it is!

It's a Red Blood Cell squeezing through a hole in the spleen. Newer red blood cells are pretty deformable... which is how they fit through your tiny capillaries and provide oxygen to your body. Older red blood cells are not able to deform as well, and are filtered out by the spleen because they can't squeeze through these holes!

This picture was taken by an electronmicrograph.

Sending the Right Message

Two brothers, aged 4 years and 6 years, arise one morning and agree that it is time they begin "cussing".

Down the steps they go and Mom asks the six year old, "What do you want for breakfast?"

The six year old replies, "Ah, hell, I'll just have some Cheerios."

WHACK! CRACK! SPLAT! Mom chases the six year old back up the stairs to his bedroom and declares, "You stay here and think about what you just said. I'll be back."

Mom returns to the kitchen and asks the four year old what he wants for breakfast.

The four year old replies,"I don't know, but you can bet your sweet ass it's not Cheerios!"

Mentzer College Football Rankings in Review

How did the Mentzer Rankings do in the 32 Bowl Games?

Using the Regular season ending rankings found here, if the higher ranked team won, then that is one in the win column.

Overall 23 - 9 - Not too bad for a 72%

There were 16 bowl games that involved at least 1 team in the Mentzer Top 25. Of those games the rankings were 11 - 5 for a 69%

There were 9 bowl games that involved 2 teams in the Mentzer top 25. Of those games the rankings were 5 - 4 for a 56%.

Penn State was one of the losses for the rankings in all 3 categories as they bull-rushed through Tennessee and Ohio State, Michigan, and Notre Dame did not live up to their billing within the rankings accumulating the other 3 losses for the 9 game subset. The other loss in the 16 game subset was Virginia Tech getting beat by Georgia.

I hope you enjoyed the rankings, and if time allows, I'll post them again next year.

Be sure to review the final rankings with the 2007 NCAA National Champion of the Mentzer Rankings being the Boise State Broncos.

Boise State - 2007 National Champs for NCAA Division 1A Football

Mentzer College Football Rankings (All D1A) - Final

Final rankings after last nights shellacking. It's a somber place here in Columbus Oh.

1. Boise State 1.0000
2. Ohio State 0.9850
3. Wisconsin 0.9776
4. Florida 0.9759
5. Michigan 0.9705
6. Louisville 0.9540
7. LSU 0.9524
8. Auburn 0.9360
9. USC 0.9331
10. Notre Dame 0.9226
11. Rutgers 0.9167
12. Arkansas 0.9150
13. West Virginia 0.9140
14. Wake Forest 0.8968
15. Oklahoma 0.8928
16. TCU 0.8911
17. Penn State 0.8801
18. Tennessee 0.8723
19. California 0.8667
20. Oregon State 0.8585
21. Texas 0.8397
22. Brigham Young 0.8253
23. Virginia Tech 0.8240
24. Hawaii 0.8153
25. Maryland 0.7994
26. Texas A&M 0.7989
27. South Carolina 0.7880
28. Georgia 0.7865
29. Kentucky 0.7860
30. Nebraska 0.7720
31. Boston College 0.7605
32. Georgia Tech 0.7556
33. Cincinnati 0.7484
34. Central Michigan 0.7382
35. South Florida 0.7071
36. Houston 0.6774
37. Clemson 0.6769
38. Oregon 0.6678
39. Southern Mississippi 0.6623
40. UCLA 0.6552
41. Navy 0.6541
42. Tulsa 0.6536
43. Missouri 0.6284
44. Oklahoma State 0.6136
45. Washington State 0.6078
46. Texas Tech 0.6047
47. San Jose State 0.5939
48. Purdue 0.5887
49. Arizona 0.5862
50. Arizona State 0.5853
51. Miami (FL) 0.5768
52. Florida State 0.5685
53. Minnesota 0.5574
54. Ohio 0.5445
55. Kansas State 0.5444
56. Washington 0.5424
57. Utah 0.5330
58. Middle Tenn State 0.5058
59. Western Michigan 0.4920
60. Rice 0.4914
61. Troy 0.4904
62. East Carolina 0.4865
63. Indiana 0.4858
64. Iowa 0.4621
65. Pittsburgh 0.4549
66. Wyoming 0.4545
67. Kansas 0.4326
68. Northern Illinois 0.4306
69. Nevada 0.4257
70. New Mexico 0.3991
71. Connecticut 0.3709
72. Colorado State 0.3684
73. Alabama 0.3624
74. Baylor 0.3598
75. Air Force 0.3589
76. Virginia 0.3409
77. Southern Methodist 0.3395
78. Tulane 0.3333
79. Louisiana-Lafayette 0.3313
80. Arkansas State 0.3134
81. Ball State 0.3132
82. North Carolina State 0.3104
83. Fresno State 0.2993
84. Vanderbilt 0.2925
85. Akron 0.2848
86. Syracuse 0.2833
87. Kent State 0.2825
88. Toledo 0.2811
89. San Diego State 0.2723
90. Texas El-Paso 0.2702
91. Northwestern 0.2664
92. Michigan State 0.2491
93. Iowa State 0.2479
94. Marshall 0.2411
95. Mississippi State 0.2361
96. Florida Atlantic 0.2267
97. Alabama-Birmingham 0.2128
98. Army 0.2113
99. Mississippi 0.1990
100. Central Florida 0.1909
101. Bowling Green 0.1821
102. Louisiana-Monroe 0.1731
103. North Carolina 0.1435
104. Idaho 0.1395
105. North Texas 0.1380
106. Colorado 0.1311
107. Illinois 0.0983
108. Buffalo 0.0921
109. Stanford 0.0921
110. Miami (OH) 0.0909
111. UNLV 0.0900
112. New Mexico State 0.0890
113. Utah State 0.0831
114. Louisiana Tech 0.0760
115. Temple 0.0607
116. Eastern Michigan 0.0557
117. Memphis 0.0449
118. Duke 0.0000
119. Florida International 0.0000

Was that necessary?

The Yankees are sending their Big Unit to Arizona but they're keeping their Wang.

On Politics

The people have spoke - the bastards.

- Dick Tuck

Except for me

Bylaw 2.9 of the NCAA Manual states:

"Student participation in intercollegiate athletics is an avocation, and student-athletes should be protected from exploitation by professional and commercial enterprises."

Bad Form #$@!%#$

The 1991 Guiness Book of World Records has a category of Board Games in which they list records for Backgammon, Chess, Checkers, Monopoly, Scrabble and Goose.

There is no mention of Parcheesi.

NFL Playoff Predictions

NFL Playoff Round 1 predictions:

Chiefs defeat Colts
Seahawks defeat Cowboys
Patriots defeat Jets
Eagles defeat Giants

Weigh in with a comment or your own post.

Oh..My..God!

Some years ago, a good friend of mine advised me that "the Big 10 is first and foremost, a basketball conference". I'd never viewed the Big 10 in such a light and wasn't convinced at the time of the significance of the declaration.

This morning, however, my friends' words came back to me in haunting fashion when my father announced "Penn State is undefeated in the Big 10! They're on their way to the Big Dance!"

Penn State (10-4 overall, 1-0 Big 10) defeated Northwestern (10-4 overall, 0-1 Big 10) 83-57 last night in a basketball contest.

Now, my father competed in high school football and wrestling and was an All State performer in both sports. In my entire life, he has held any contest other than football, wrestling and baseball in some degree of disdain. The fact that he even knows Penn State plays basketball is unsettling, let alone expressing optimism that the roundballers are going to have a good season.

Coming off a 20-10 Outback Bowl victory over Tennesee on New Year's Day, all expectations would be that the discussion around here would center on how well the football team played and how this performance would bode well for the 2007 campaign.

But just 3 days after a big victory by the football team, my father is crowing about the Penn State basketball team.

And I'm blogging about it.

The basketball team.

The Debate Is On

Boise States' thrilling OT victory over Oklahoma has initiated the following debate amongst the talking heads on ESPN:

Is it "Hook and Ladder" or "Hook and Lateral"?

NCAA re-classification?

The Boise State Broncos won an 43-42 OT thriller over the Oklahoma Sooners last night in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. Boise State did the same thing they've been doing for several years now in football games. They blocked, they tackled, they moved the sticks, they won the game.

The pre-game hype of "David" (BSU) vs. "Goliath" (OU) was always just hype. The notion that the non BCS conference team (BSU) wouldn't be able to "hang" with the BCS conference team (OU) was disproved. Again.

The BSU victory invokes cries of "We deserve a chance for a National Championship" from the BSU faithful. Alas, it is not to be.

For the distinction of being classified a "BCS" or "non BCS" conference has nothing to do with quality of football play and everything to do with the number of television sets in a conference' regional viewing area.

There simply are not enough television sets in Idaho for the Boise State Broncos to have done anything other than "catch lightning in a bottle".

O('s)ffseason

The O's have been busy wheeling and dealing this offseason and I have become hopeful for a winning 2007 campaign.

The acquisition of SP Jaret Wright and RPs Scott Williamson, Jamie Walker, Danys Baez and Chad Bradford mildly aids the starting rotation and almost completely revamps one of the worst bullpens in the AL.

Pitcher	W	L	ERA	WHIP	Saves
Jaret Wright	68	57	5.07	1.55	0
Scott Williamson	27	28	3.32	1.29	55
Jamie Walker	15	16	3.95	1.26	5
Danys Baez	31	37	3.79	1.31	111
Chad Bradford	27	18	3.40	1.4	9

There is hope that the addition of Wright will be more valuable than his career stats indicate. In his one full season under Mazzone (O's pitching coach) while with Atlanta, Wright posted a 15-8 record with a 3.32 ERA and 1.27 WHIP.

The corp of acquired relievers is stellar when compared to recent O's bullpens. The fact that this group has 180 Saves among them, means that O's closer Chris Ray should not have to carry the entire late inning load. In 2006, Ray was a dominant closer when rested. He was hittable when pitching for the 3rd or 4th day in a row.

The offense has been bolstered with the addition of Jay Payton (OF, .284 BA, 10 HR, 42 RBI career averages) and Aubrey Huff (1B/3B/OF, .285 BA, 20 HR, 70 RBI career). Both Payton and Huff have been solid bats throughout their careers as well as versatile defenders. This should provide O's manager Sam Perlozzo with valuable flexibility in crafting a starting lineup on a day-to-day basis that keeps hot hitters in the lineup, removes cold hitters from the lineup and provides favorable matchups against the opposing starting pitcher.

Of course, as with any baseball team, starting pitching will primarily decide a winning or losing campaign. Erik Bedard, Kris Benson, Daniel Cabrera, Adam Loewen and Jaret Wright provide 5 talented arms. If this group can realize its' potential, it will be happy days on the Chesapeake once again.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!