Reporters Notebook (Gburg Times - 12/08/07): "Never trust a Confederate woman"

I was standing along the back-end of Steinwehr Avenue several weekends ago, along with thousands of other individuals, at the annual Civil War Remembrance Day parade in Gettysburg, when it dawned on me: I was thirsty, hungry and cold.
Naturally, I asked photographer Bill Schwartz if he was interested in some food, and perhaps a hot drink, and he seemed to think that it was a great idea.
“Why don’t you just go into McDonald’s,” Bill suggested, as the fast-food joint was only a stone’s throw away, “and grab a coffee or two and a couple of double cheeseburgers.”
Sounds like a great plan.
But then, the plan was foiled — by women.
“I could use a cup of hot tea,” a lady dressed in Confederate garb told me.
One of her friends concurred that hot drinks were a great idea.
So, I went into McDonald’s, stood in line for what seemed like 45 minutes, and finally was able to speak to a cashier. They didn’t have hot tea, so I ordered four coffees instead: one for me, one for Bill, and two for the friendly Confederate lasses who were positioned along Steinwehr.
“What a load of crap,” I thought. “I can’t believe I just waited in a fast-food line for 45 minutes. Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose?”
I found the group outside, and handed the girls their hot drinks. What I didn’t realize was that those women had friends.
As I disbursed the coffees, two more Confederate women gathered in the immediate area, and displayed puppy-dog faces.
I glanced at Bill, who convincingly gave me the “You know what to do” look.
“Aaaaaand, these coffees are for you,” I told the girls who had joined the party.
I gave all of the drinks away. My double-cheeseburger tasted like plastic. And it was very, very cold.
At least the North won again.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer