On Golf Drills

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

On Caveat Emptor (Golf)

Never buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

On Overachievement (Golf)

If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as the pros, use it to lay up short of a water hazard.

On Probabilities (Golf)

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

On Geometry (Golf)

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a tree.

On Math (Golf)

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

On Golf

Bad shots come in threes. Your fourth consecutive bad shot is actually the first shot of a new group of three.

On Hardy(ness)

J.J. Hardy may not be a great shortstop, but he's playing one on TV.

The Baltimore Orioles are 6-2 in the 8 games Hardy has started at shortstop. One of the 2 losses was the game in which Hardy left after one AB to go on the DL.

In his return from the DL, he went 4-5 with a HR. The Orioles have won 2 straight from Seattle with Hardy's return, beating rookie sensation Michael Pineda and 2010 Cy Young winner Felix Hernandez.

Defensively, he has good range, deft hands and a strong arm. He has yet to commit an error.

Offensively, he's hitting .348 with an OBP of .444 and Slugging at .609.

The downside is Hardy's brittleness. He's been plagued with trips to the DL each of the last 3 seasons, counting the current season. This is, of course, the reason the Orioles were able to acquire him. Hopefully, the Chesapeake Bay humidity will soften the brittle Hardy to a robust suppleness because, in the 8 games he's been on the field, he has been the Orioles best player.

On Grammar

The old-timer went to see a medicine man rumored to have a remedy for erectile dysfunction.

The medicine man gave him a potion and advised, "Take only a teaspoon and say '1,2,3'. The medicine will work as long as you want it to. The medicine will stop working when your partner says '1,2,3,4' and will not work again until the next full moon."

The old-timer immediately went home to try the potion. He showered, shaved, took a gargle and called his wife into the bedroom. He downed a teaspoon of the potion and declared "1,2,3". His wife was immediately impressed with the effect of the potion and started throwing her clothes off while asking "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

Henceforth, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

- Winston Churchill