Gettysburg Times (Reporters Notebook - 03/01/08): "Uncle Clarence and Flipper"

My mother’s parents — Grandma and Pappy Mentzer — recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, and naturally, we threw a big party.
As I mingled that weekend afternoon with relatives that I hadn’t seen in years, I learned a fascinating tale about my great Uncle "Stan" (not to be confused with Uncle Stan, my mom’s brother who routinely appears in this column) and my great Aunt Dot.
You see, great Uncle "Stan" served in the Armed Forces during World War II. And he met great Aunt Dot, from what I hear, at a military dance.
Apparently, it was love at first sight.
When they first exchanged names, he told her that his name was “Stan.”
His real name is Clarence. She didn’t learn his real name for several months.
It didn’t matter anyway, because “Stan” had already reeled her in.
“Stan” was a nickname that Clarence apparently came up with on the spot, and the family has called him “Stan” ever since.
Now I know where I get my wild imagination.
On the first day of fifth grade, I told my class that I wanted to be called “Flipper.”
The nickname didn’t last long.
— Scot “Flipper” Pitzer

Scottie & Allison: Part Two

Who is in the mafia and who is the informant?

On helping others

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. He called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. In a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

The husband moves closer to the kitchen and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

He moves into the dining room and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

He walks up to the kitchen door. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

To which she finally replies, "For the FIFTH time", CHICKEN!!!!'

Meagan Sterner

A photo of Meagan taking a photo.

Proud Penn Stater

Penn State students raised $6.6 million in the fight against childhood cancer this weekend! We med school students only raised $15K, but we did our best.

How freakin' amazing!

Happy Anniversary

Celebratinng fifty years of marriage.

Reporters Notebook (gettysburg Times-02/23/08): "Strippers"

While talking to people Sunday morning prior to church, seated in front and behind my family’s traditional pew, I made eye contact with a relative.
“Enjoy the scripture,” I said, seemingly thinking that our brief conversation had concluded.
Wrong.
The lass looked dumbfounded.
“What’d you say about a stripper?” she replied, looking stunned.
No, not “stripper” — I said scripture.
I hope she paid attention to the sermon.
— Scot Andrew Pitzer

"Scottie & Allison"

"Having a Good Time"

On Getting what you deserve

When Native Americans were running North America there were no taxes, no debt, plenty of wild game and clean water, The Medicine man was free. The women did all the work. The men spent all day hunting and fishing.

On Following Instructions

One winter morning a couple is listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow. We are asking everyone to park their car on the even-numbered side of the street, so there is room for the snowploughs to get through."

The wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through.."

The wife goes out and moves her car to the odd-numbered side.

The next week when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park .......... "

Then the power goes out. The wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do! Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?"

The husband says. "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Reporters Notebook (021608): "Bull & Gas"

As I was paying my bill at a local gas station on my way home from the newsroom Tuesday evening, a female colleague busted through the store’s door.
“SCOTTIE!” she exclaimed.
My colleague, from the Times advertising department, promptly paid for her gas, and then we exchanged a load of bull.
The conversation lasted for about 20 minutes, as we started a slow progression back to our vehicles, which were parked within the same gas stall.
We moved our conservation, ever so slowly, from the store lobby, toward the entrance sidewalk, out to the parking lot, and finally back to our vehicles.
“It’s been a pleasure talking to you,” I recall telling the lass. “We should chat more often.”
After exchanging friendly hugs, we separated toward our individual vehicles. My colleague opened up her door and inserted her keys into the ignition.
“Ummm, Nancy,” I said before she closed her door, “your gas cap isn’t fastened, and your gas door is wide open.”
Laughter ensued.
“Oh my golly,” Nancy said as she climbed back out of her vehicle. “I never pumped my gas!”
No bull.
— Scot Andrew Pitzer

today's Hillary Clinton quote of the day

020708: "I think my husband would make a good First Lady."

the Bill Clinton quote of the day

020608: "The New England Patriots should have learned from President Nixon...you've got to play by the rules."

Reporters Notebook (Gburg Times - 020908): "Here we go Steelers, Here we go"

Midway through the big game on Super Bowl Sunday, I received this text message, from my 20-year-old Kutztown University sister, on my cellular phone:
"I don't even know who to root for in the Super Bowl. HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!"
The young lady was raised right.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer