Witnessed today

Sidney Ponson...traded?

ESPN News is reporting that the portly Aruban Knight has been traded to San Diego for Phil Nevin. Thoughts?

pi

59-year-old Akira Haraguchi of Japan recently broke the world record for the recited number of digits of Pi. Haraguchi-san recited an amazing 83,431 digits of Pi during a 13-hour overnight stretch. See The PI World Ranking List for more records for memorizing PI, e and the sqare root of two while or while not juggling.

Sometimes the best things in life are free....

Hmmm.......

Tiger Woods has won the Masters golf tournament at Augusta National 4 times. He took the green jacket in 1997, 2001, 2002 and most recently in 2005.

Augusta National performed extensive renovations to the golf course in 1998 and 2003.

Augusta National is at it again.

snake venom...

...ever wonder why its soooo deadly? I'm using it in my chemistry research to chop up DNA... well, not just chop it up, more like mutilate (sp?) it! Of the two species of snake venom I'm using, both completely tear up DNA in to its basic units. Remember, DNA is the blueprint for everything biological. So you can imagine someone may not make it when a snake bite turns that blue print into paper shreds.

Will Smith

Okay, so I was watching some movies at the beach, and Will Smith popped up in a couple. Yeah, he's more famous for his tv role in the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire..... but he's done some cool movies also (and he raps... but lets not talk about that). Below I ranked his movies from the best to the worst, but I think I'm missing a movie or two. Let me know if you can think of them. (Also, I never watched Ali, but I figured it couldn't be worse then the ones below it. Also, I haven't seen his new movie "Hitch." It seemed like a chick flick... so maybe one of these days I'll get a girl to come over and we'll rent it. Thus, it's not ranked.

1. Independence Day
2. Men in Black I
3. Bad Boys I
4. iRobot
5. Ali
6. Bad Boys II
7. The Legand of Bagger Vance
8. Men in Black II
9. Wild Wild West

Vocabulary

Reintarnation, (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Vocabulary

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

The discovery of the bozone is a significant achievement, as it substantiates the following theory which now becomes an immutable physical law:

There are no stupid questions, only stupid people who ask quesions.

Why is 18 holes the golf tradition?

During a discussion among the club membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to drink a fifth of Scotch. By limiting oneself to one shot of Scotch per hole, the round of golf was completed when the Scotch ran out.

Good Advice. and it's Free. 

More Vocab

Bore: [One] who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
~Gian Vincenzo Gravina

Voodoo Boy Says...

The Red Sox victory in the 2004 World Series did not break the "curse of the Bambino". Their dramatic 4 game sweep after falling behind 3-0 in the ALCS passed the curse on to the Yankees.

More Vocabulary

BENEFACTOR, n.
One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all.

Vocabulary Update

JUSTICE, n.
A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

A Memorial Day Roundup

Was anyone else literally EXHAUSTED on Tuesday after the Memorial Day festivities at Grandma Mentzers?

I think you'd be hardpressed to find another family picnic that offers (a). golf, (b). wiffleball, (c). horseshoes, (d). poker.

Like my wise Uncle Stan said, "It's like the county fair. You can't do it all in one day."

A Joke

There are always two hundred thirty nine beans in a bowl of chilli.

Because one more would make it too farty.

Vote Early, Vote Often

Voting is under way for the Major League Baseball All Star game. You can vote online at www.mlb.com or www.orioles.com .

Vote for:

Brian Roberts, 2nd base, American League

Roberts leads all AL 2nd basemen in Batting Average, Stolen Bases, Walks, Total Bases, Runs Batted In, Home Runs, Triples, Hits and Runs Scored and has a .977 Fielding Percentage.

Miguel Tejada, shortstop, American League

Tejada leads all AL SS in Total Bases, Runs Batted In, Home Runs, Doubles and Hits and has a .968 Fielding Percentage

Melvin Mora, 3rd Base, American League

Mora leads all AL 3rd basemen in Stolen Bases, Doubles and Hits. He is 2nd among 3rd basemen in Batting Average, Home Runs and Runs Batted In. He has a .967 Fielding Percentage (4th best among starting 3rd basemen).

Vote for these 3 players. Do it. Do it now. Do it every time you go online.

Writing

So here's the deal. I plan on ranting and raving about my writing class. I had to write a paper where I analyse two texts that were written by the same author. These texts have the same theme of lonliness throughout America. Anyhow the texts are from two different genres. One is an essay, and the other was a short story. In my paper, I analysed the effectiveness of the genres in conveying their theme to the audience (me).

Basically my essay said that the essay was full of bullshit and that the author just tried to make herself sound more intellegent than she was. Also I said taht the short story got the theme off very effectively by keeping the reader (again me) interested. Now I said all of this in a much nicer way. I analysed the differences between the two. I also went to the Learning Resource Center and met with a writing tutor about my paper. When I left that, I revised my paper mechanics, the grammar, and all that other good stuff. I turned in what I thought to be an A paper, B+ at worst.

Anyhow, I know the tutur who helped me with the paper, so when I got the paper back, I went to show her how I did. (The tutor is Jimmy my best friends gf). Anyhow I got a C on the paper, which is the same grade I've gotten on EVERY PAPER for the ENTIRE CLASS. As Jenny and I went over the paper and read the teachers comments, we realized that the teacher wasn't taking poings off for my mechanics, or my organization, or my grammar, but for my ideas. Basicall I lost credit on the paper because I felt that the essay was written just to sound smart. I stated in my paper that the essay tends to lose the reader because it doesn't flow well. I also stated that the essay didn't flow well because it was written to "sound smart". The teacher responded with "The only reason a reader would get lost in this essay is if they lacked the critical thinking skill necessary to follow it."

Well in general I think I got a bullshit grade. Also, I have to re-submit the paper, and in order to get the grade I need, i'm going to have to put in HER ideas. I don't want to do it, but I don't think I have any other choice. I am VERY angry about all of this.

P.S. I have a new girlfriend for those of you who are behind on my love life. Her name is Marcie.

self explanatory

Bad Timing

I'm in Louisville, Ky today and tomorrow but I won't be here next weekend.

Quote

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
-- John Benfield

Woof

The Cowboy and the Yuppie

The Cowboy and The Yuppie

=========================

A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly

a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban

sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the

cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have

in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at

his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why

not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,

connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the

Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to

get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another

NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution

photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop

and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,

Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot

that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected

Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads

all of this data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few

minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-

tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the

cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,"

says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the

animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the

trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you

exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,

"Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct,"

says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up

here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an

answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you

don't know anything about my business."

"Now give me back my DOG."

I thought this was cool!

Okay, so did you ever wonder how the heck plants knew they needed to grow taller? Seriously, haven't you ever wondered why some plants grow until they hit sunlight and then bearly grow at all until they are overshadowed by another plant... at which time the shoot up until they are the tallest again? Trees in particular do this.

Well, it all has to do with a molecule called a cytochrome. This molecule is "C" shaped. But when its bombarded with photons (light energy in packet form) the center bond of the molecule absorbs the energy and twists so that the molecule is "S" shaped. When the molecule is "S" shaped the metabolism of the plant shifts from growing to storing, so it starts storing up sugars. But when the plant is overshadowed by another plant, there isn't enough energy to keep the molecule in the "S" shape, so it returns to the "C" shape, which then binds to certain proteins, setting off a cascade of changes and the plant starts growing taller again!

Exciting? I KNOW!

The Boss means business!

Buddy Groom to the rescue!

Nerd Research Contest

The history of the software industry is filled with acronyms. One popular acronym component is "Yet Another". YACC is a Unix acronym for "Yet Another Compiler-Compiler". YAHOO is a world wide web acronym for "Yet Another Hierarchically Officious Oracle".

I've given the two easy ones. Can you find anymore?

Saw Update

A penny saved is a penny to squander.

A man is known by the company that he organizes.

A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.

Better late than before anybody has invited you.

Example is better than following it.

Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else.

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

Least said is soonest disavowed.

He laughs best who laughs least.

Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it.

Of two evils choose to be the least.

Strike while your employer has a big contract.

Where there's a will there's a won't.

Some humor for the day

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at everything, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking that he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner and asks, "How much for the bronze rat?"

The owner replies, "$12 for the rat and $100 for the story". The tourist gives the man $12 and says, I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are ! squealing and coming toward him fster and faster.

Concern, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.

The man walks back to the curio shop.

"Ah ha," says the owner, "you have come back for the story?"

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat, a bronze Muslim cleric & anything French.

I am now, officially, an award winning journalist

Some good news for you folks,

Two Fridays ago, I was named the "Gettysburg Times Employee of the Quarter."

Not sure what I did to earn the recognition. Guess I'll find out.

the perks: Get my own parking spot for three months, a golfing jacket, a bonus, a trophy, a plaque, and an inivation to the Board of Directors Dinner in May.

why it's ironic: I interviewed for a job at WHP in harrisburg a week before this happened.

~ SCOT ~