On Geometry (Golf)

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a tree.

On Math (Golf)

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

On Golf

Bad shots come in threes. Your fourth consecutive bad shot is actually the first shot of a new group of three.

On Hardy(ness)

J.J. Hardy may not be a great shortstop, but he's playing one on TV.

The Baltimore Orioles are 6-2 in the 8 games Hardy has started at shortstop. One of the 2 losses was the game in which Hardy left after one AB to go on the DL.

In his return from the DL, he went 4-5 with a HR. The Orioles have won 2 straight from Seattle with Hardy's return, beating rookie sensation Michael Pineda and 2010 Cy Young winner Felix Hernandez.

Defensively, he has good range, deft hands and a strong arm. He has yet to commit an error.

Offensively, he's hitting .348 with an OBP of .444 and Slugging at .609.

The downside is Hardy's brittleness. He's been plagued with trips to the DL each of the last 3 seasons, counting the current season. This is, of course, the reason the Orioles were able to acquire him. Hopefully, the Chesapeake Bay humidity will soften the brittle Hardy to a robust suppleness because, in the 8 games he's been on the field, he has been the Orioles best player.

On Grammar

The old-timer went to see a medicine man rumored to have a remedy for erectile dysfunction.

The medicine man gave him a potion and advised, "Take only a teaspoon and say '1,2,3'. The medicine will work as long as you want it to. The medicine will stop working when your partner says '1,2,3,4' and will not work again until the next full moon."

The old-timer immediately went home to try the potion. He showered, shaved, took a gargle and called his wife into the bedroom. He downed a teaspoon of the potion and declared "1,2,3". His wife was immediately impressed with the effect of the potion and started throwing her clothes off while asking "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

Henceforth, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

- Winston Churchill

the GOD particle!

Scientists think they have confirmed the existence of the God particle! Its almost as exciting as it sounds!

On the Over/Under

Through 21 games Baltimore Orioles pitching is last in Earned Run Average in the American League. 13th in Home Runs allowed.

Offensively, the O's are last in Hits in the American League. 12th in Batting Average and 12th in Runs.

They are 7th in Fielding.

Their record stands at 9-12 and they are rightfully in last place in the AL East. However, they are only 3 1/2 games behind the division leading Yankees (4 in the loss column). 1 1/2 games (1 in the loss column) out of 2nd place in the division.

Are the Orioles over-achievers? or under-achievers?
	Yes
	No
	Present
pollcode.com free polls

On Getting Jiggy

On Turds

In 2010, the O's were 9 games back of the division leaders thru 14 games.

In 2011, they are only 3 games back.

In 2010, the O's needed 10 games to fashion a 7 game losing streak.

In 2011, it took 14.

In 2010, the O's sent Kevin Millwood to the mound to break the 7 game skid. He lost and the skid continued for 9 games.

In 2011, the O's send a struggling Chris Tillman to the mound to break the current 7 game skid.

In 2010, Brian Matusz beat the Oakland A's 8-3 to break the 9 game losing streak.

In 2011, Brian Matusz is on the DL.

After a euphoric first 7 games during which the O's went 6-1 and starting pitchers retired opposing hitters with impunity, the O's have settled in with a punchless offense, unreliable starting pitching and a shaky bullpen.

Tonight the O's square off against Francisco Liriano (0-3, 9.42 ERA) and the Twins in Baltimore. Will the O's offense get healthy facing a struggling Liriano? or will Liriano start his turnaround facing the hapless Baltimore offense?

Even if the O's offense comes to life, it may not be enough as the O's send Chris Tillman (0-1, 7.30 ERA) to the mound. Tillman has surrendered 10 earned runs spanning 6 1/3 innings over his last two starts. However, the Twins are the only team in the AL to have scored fewer runs than the O's thus far, so, Tillman vs. the Twins offense also poses some intrigue.

On Throwing Strikes

Reliever Koji Uehara has compiled 46 strikeouts since his last walk.

It is the 5th longest streak since 1954.

On Government Built Cars

The steering wheel might fall off.

Aye, There's the Rub

The O's streaked out of the gate this season at 4-0 and have gone 2-3 since to stand at 6-3 and holding onto first in the AL East. They travel to New York today to start a 3 game set with the Yankees tomorrow.

The 6-3 start highlights both the strength and weakness of this team.

During the 4-0 run, the staff ERA was 1.00. Starters pitched 26 innings (72 %) and the bullpen tossed 10.

During the 2-3 run, the staff ERA was 5.2. Starters pitched 25 1/3 innings (56%) and the bullpen tossed 19 2/3.

This pitching staff has the talent to perform ala the 4-0 stretch and the inexperience to perform ala the 2-3 stretch. Too much of the latter and the O's go into the toilet, as they have for the previous 13 seasons. Just enough of the former and the O's will be quite fun to watch.

Bring on the Rangers!

The Texas Rangers come to the "Land of Pleasant Living" for 3 games and I'm looking forward to the series with uncustomary glee!

O's pitching leads the AL in ERA. Ranger pitching is 3rd.

The O's have Vladimir Guerrero. The Rangers do not.

The O's are 5-1. The Rangers are ... 6-0.

O's are 11th in the AL in Batting Average. Rangers are ...... 3rd.

The O's are trying to reverse 13 years of losing baseball. The Rangers are............are defending AL champs.

umm............. Bring on the Red Sox!

On Old Age

Jack Daniels.

Over 100 years old.

In the bars every night.

On the O's

The O's swept the Rays in the season series opener. O's starters posted a 0.45 ERA over 20 innings. The staff ERA is 1. The offense scored 12 runs in the 3 game series while facing Price, Shields and Wade. Showalter has the O's ready to play right out of the gate.

The last time the O's started a season 3-0 was 1997. They won the AL East.

The last time the O's started a season 3-0 on the road was 1970. They won the World Series.

Detroit comes to Baltimore for a 3 game set. The Tigers scored 19 runs in their series opener with the Yankees. Tiger bats are heated up and ready to go. This will likely be a stiffer test for the O's pitching staff than the opening series with the Rays.

The Tigers will send Porcello, Verlander and Penny to the mound in the 3 game set. With the exception of Verlander, this is not as tough a task as Price, Shields and Wade. It's still no cakewalk and O's bats better heat up for this series. I suspect 2 runs will not win any games in this set.

On Love

A man is sitting on the veranda with his wife and he says "I love you".

His wife responds "Is that you -- or the beer talking?"

The man states "It's me....... talking to the beer."

On Finding Common Ground

A Mormon was seated next to an Irish Catholic on a flight back to the States from London . After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey and a glass of Guinness, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let
liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drinks back to the attendant and said,
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

On the Job Market

On Hard Times

A farmer from Gooberville was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.

Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.

She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"

Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, blight got my apples, a tornado leveled my barn and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches...."

On Government

Major League Baseball: Perks

I was doing some research into MLB contracts, and look at these perks I found.

1 - Backup Oriole infielder Cesar Itzturis has a $25k bonus, if he wins a Silver Slugger Award.

2 - Pitcher Chien-Ming Wang also has a Silver Slugger clause, for $50,000.

He is 0-14 lifetime at the plate.

3 - Three relievers, including Baltimore closer Joki Uehara, has a $30,000 bonus if he starts (that's right, starts) the All-Star Game.

4 - Nieces and Nephews Team slugger Stephen Mentzer has a $50 dollar bonus if he hits for the cycle on Memorial Day.

Unbelieveable stuff. Scot.

Rendell Trying to Jinx Pittsburgh?

This almost makes me sick...

On Hollywood

On Internet Quotations

The problem with Internet quotations is that many are not genuine.

- Abraham Lincoln

Blogger Enjoys Musselman Stadium Experience

http://handfulofsports.wordpress.com/2009/10/22/room-with-a-view/

Posted: October 22, 2009 by Brian Shea in Biglerville, Prep football, York area media.

I have covered high school sports in this area in some way, shape or form since 1992. This is the first year in a long time where I have covered football on a regular basis. That has helped me get a closer look o something near and dear to the hearts of all sportswriters – comfortable press boxes.

I didn’t get free food at Biglerville earlier this week, but they did provide the next best thing: a seat cushion. I can deal with getting my own dinner at the game, but a hard chair makes covering a game a painful experience in more way than one. The Canner crew also featured some of the best in-game entertainment you can ask for. Again, knowing folks like wrestling coach Bob Gano (spotter) and former grappler Scot Pitzer (announcer) made for a fun evening.

WRESTLING: May Ranked Atop 103-lb Standings

http://www.thepapowerrankings.com/District_3_AA_Rankings.html

103
Name Gr. School
1 Danny May 11 Biglerville
2 Devon Bentley 10 Trinity (Camp Hill)
3 Terrance White 9 Bishop McDevitt
4 Ted Marines 9 Bermudian Springs
5 Tyler Hitz 11 Northern Lebanon
6 Alex Garcia 10 Fleetwood
HM Tanner Pyles 9 Annville Cleona
HM John Lobeck 9 Lancaster Catholic

On Movies

I saw the Coen Brothers remake of True Grit. I recommend it.

Twas the Night Before Christmas: Baltimore Orioles Version

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the Yard,

Not an Oriole fan was cheering, it just got too hard.

The mits were hung on the outfield wall with care,

in hopes that a great team would soon be there.

With MacPhail non-committal, and Angelos doesn't give a crap,

they had just settled down for their usual afternoon nap.

When down the field, there was such a clatter,

I threw open the Skybox window, to see if it was a new Free Agent batter.

What to my wondering eyes should appear,

It was a new owner, and a six-pack of National Beer.

The new Owner was an Orioles fan and a Pal,

I knew in a moment, it must be Saint Cal.

He slid down the flagpole with such grace and ease,

I knew many fans would be so pleased.

With his balding head, and a twinkle in his eye,

the first thing Cal did, was trade Felix Pie.

The trades and Free Agents, they came abound,

the winning and Playoffs would soon be around.

He flew up the Foul Pole from which he came,

I heard him shout aloud, in Orioles Land, there will be a better game!

As his Lexus drove out of sight,

he said "On Garza! On Fielder! On David Wright."

"Let's give those Red Sox and Yankees a good fight!"

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Jamie Pitzer Graduates - 12/18/10

Jamie Lynn Pitzer graduates Saturday at Kutztown University, earning a degree in Special Education.

On Economics

The unemployed, unlike the rich... are in fact the job creators.

- Keith Olbermann