C-A-N-N-E-R-S

the student section at the CannerDome as the Bermudian Springs Eagles enter the gymnasium for warm-ups prior to their match against Biglerville.

Bermudian, as expected, won 46-9.

On Being Prepared

On the NFL Title Games

The Free Advice NFL Title Games Pick 'em results:

Giants (25%) over Packers (75%)
Patriots (25%) over Chargers (75%)

On to the Super Bowl!

On Newspaper writers

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.
- Ben Hecht

Reporters Notebook (Gettysburg Times: 011908): "Global Positioning System"

Familiar with the latest technological motor vehicle fad?
Global Positioning System (GPS) devices are the new craze, enabling motorists to navigate toward their destination — near or far — with ease.
The device, a miniature computer placed in the vicinity of a vehicle’s dashboard, talks to motorists, instructing the driver where to turn and what routes to travel en route to a given destination.
“It’s perfect,” I recall colleague Jarrad Hedes telling me. “Now, we don’t have to listen to a woman telling us how to get somewhere.”
Prior to a vehicular trip, a destination is entered into the device, which then — via a global network of 24 orbiting satellites — tabulates the best possible route.
Jarrad, for example, when we leave the newsroom for lunch, actually punches in “Dunlaps” as a destination, and yes, the GPS takes us to the eatery.
But the devices do have their drawbacks.
Last weekend, I traveled to Ohio with Uncle Stan, and the GPS device successfully directed us on a seven-hour trip to Uncle Jeff’s house near Columbus.
However, the next morning, when we relied on the GPS system to find a school that was 10 minutes away (my cousin Ryan was in a wrestling tournament), we were a half hour late and missed Ryan’s first match.
The machine actually instructed us to turn on a dirt road.
“I don’t think there’s a school back here,” deadpanned Aunt Sharon.
We kept going anyway, hoping that the GPS knew what it was doing.“You have reached your destination,” the machine said.
Nope. We were in the middle of a wheatfield.
“I don’t think there’s a school back here,” said Uncle Stan.
At least the global satellites know how to find Dunlaps.
— Scot Andrew Pitzer

On the NFL Divisional Playoff Round

The Free Advice Divisional Playoff Pick 'em results:

Giants (83%) over Cowboys (17%)
Packers (80%) over Seahawks (20%)
Patriots (40%) over Jaguars (60%)
Chargers (60%) over Colts (40%)

Hmmm... the voting correctly predicted the actual result in 3 of 4 contests (75%).

The Title game polls are up.

"We may look like pansies..."

"...but watch what you say, or else, we'll put out your lights!"

ummm, what in the world is going on here?

This worries me. Literally.

Parents Beware...

Don't let your kids go to Ohio State. They've now embarrassed the Big Ten twice in a row in the BCS National Championship, and they have trouble spelling simple words, for example, the name of the school which they attend!

PATHETIC!

On What's for Dinner

In Spring, 2009 there will be 30% less beef on grocery store shelves than there is now.

Oh yeah, and the Democrats will blame it on George W. Bush.

Reporters Notebook (Gettysburg Times 01/12/08): "Kokomos West"

I planned an outing last weekend with a contingent of friends, instructing them to gather at Kokomo’s West, a wing joint in Camp Hill along the West Shore.
“Last time I ate there, it was pretty good,” I told my gang, adding that I had eaten at the restaurant “two or three years ago
My pal, who had previously dined at another Kokomo’s in the Harrisburg area, concurred. “They’ve got good wings,” I recall my bud saying, “and it’s easy to find, right there along the Carlisle Pike.”
Or so we thought.
As I was on my way to the eatery Saturday night, my friend phoned me.
“Are you there yet?” asked my friend, who was traveling with his wife and sister. “We can’t find it.”
I couldn’t find the darned place either — even though I had precise directions.
“It’s here on my map,” I said, “but I can’t find it anywhere.”
We arranged to meet at a Pep-Boys, and as we parked our vehicles, my friend’s wife went into the business, and asked an employee where Kokomo’s West is located.
Minutes later, we got our answer. And we were very surprised.
“Guess what,” said the young lass as she came out of the building. “It burnt down three years ago.”
Duh.
Perhaps a career in event planning awaits me.
— Scot Andrew Pitzer

ummm...

What is going on here...?

the Hillary Rodham Clinton quote of the day

Tuesday, Jan. 8, 2008, after learning that she had won the New Hampshire primary:

"One thing that my husband always preached was honesty."

On Investigations

It took Roger Clemens under 17 minutes to pressure Brian McNamee into pleading, "What do you want me to do?"

How long did it take Senator Mitchell?

On the NFL playoffs

The Free Advice Playoff Pick 'em polls results:

Redskins over Seahawks received 100% of the vote. Good thing it's free.
Giants over Buccaneers received 67% of the vote. That's free advice worth paying for.

Both the Chargers over the Titans and the Jaguars over the Steelers received 100% of the vote.

This weekend's polls are up.

"Canner Comeback - Pin filled rally helps Biglerville improve to 12-0; Thunderbolts, Warriors start slow" (Gburg Times: 01/05/08)

BY SCOT ANDREW PITZER
Times Staff Writer

Apple Town was rocking Friday night at the 9th Annual Canner Duals in Biglerville, where the Canner wrestling team continued its undefeated season in dramatic fashion.
In an early 19-0 hole, against the Reading Red Knights, and then facing a seemingly insurmountable 33-18 deficit with three bouts remaining, the home team --- fueled by a raucous Canner Dome crowd --- garnered three consecutive pins, and won 36-33.
"Incredible," Biglerville head coach Bob Gano said following his team's victory. "Those matches are the reason why I love coaching at Biglerville."
Reading jumped out to an early 19-0 lead in the first four bouts, thanks to two falls and a major decision. But the Canners (12-0) rallied, gaining decisions at 215 and 285 pounds, a forfeit at 103, and a fall at 112, bringing the home fans --- still energized from Biglerville's 45-18 dismantling of local rival Gettysburg in the evening's previous contest --- to life.
"The kids never gave up, and that's what kept us in that match," Gano said. "Reading wrestled one heck of a match."
Trailing by 15 points with three bouts from 135-145 remaining, the Canners had arguably their top three middle weights --- juniors Nick Asper, Nic Lieberum, and Shay Shive --- still in the waiting room.
"We felt pretty good whenever we had Nick, Nic and Shay left," said Canner senior Jeff Foster. "We knew we had a chance. The crowd kind of energized the whole team."
When Shive opened the contest's final bout, at 145 pounds, with a takedown over John Moriarty, and the two were re-started in the center of the mat, the home audience was so deafening that the referee summoned spectators to quiet, because the grapplers were unable to hear the whistle.
"I had never seen that before in my life," said Foster.
Minutes later, when Shive sealed the comeback with a second period pin, the roof blew off the Canner Dome.
"I came here from Green Castle, where winning isn't that big, and tonight just blew my mind," said Canner upper weight Dale Nichols, a transfer from Green Castle. "I was just shocked. I'm used to 15 people in the crowd. I'm not used to half of the town being in the gym. Tonight was just intense, and it's just incredible to wrestle here and be a part of the tradition."
Asper notched a quick takedown at 135-pounds over Jose Rodriguez, and then stuck him in a cradle, earning a pin with 13 seconds left in the first period.
"We had some great anchors that match," Gano said regarding his middle weights. "The kids believed they could do it."
With two bouts remaining and Reading having what many teams would consider a comfortable 33-24 lead, Lieberum and Bryan Gold battled to a scoreless first period tie at 140 pounds. Lieberum escaped from the bottom position to begin the second period, and earned a quick takedown, taking Gold to his back in the process. The grapplers squirmed for several seconds, but Lieberum's grip tightened, and a fall was called at the 3:34 mark, pulling the Canners to within three points at 33-30.
"It was incredibly loud at that point," Nichols said.
Shive sealed the comeback in the ensuing bout, and the Canner Dome went into a frenzy.
"These are the kinds of wins that I grew up watching here as a kid,"Foster said. "The atmosphere was just unbelievable."
The Littlestown Thunderbolts, hoping to rebound from a Thursday night 51-18 destruction by Biglerville, finished the first day of the dual tournament 1-1, losing a 38-35 nail-biter to Kennard-Dale. Littlestown (12-4)actually held a 30-7 lead in the match.
The Bolts bounced back in the second round, topping Exeter 39-25.
After giving Biglerville a scare earlier in the night, Gettysburg (0-6) --- who was within eight points of the Canners with a half dozen bouts remaining the tilt --- was upended by Conestoga, 47-22.
"We always talk around here about how we want a perfect match, and that doesn't mean winning 85 to nothing," said Gettysburg head coach Perry Smith. "It just means everybody giving their best, going 100 percent. Against Biglerville, in seven of the 11 contested bouts, I felt our kids gave us everything they had. As long as we keep giving 100 percent every time we wrestle, we'll learn and we'll get better. We might take our lumps Saturday, but we're going to give it everything we have."
The second and final day of the tournament commences today at 9 a.m., and the unbeaten Canners face Pottstown in the opening round. Biglerville began its season last year in a similar manner, entering the second day of the Canner Duals with an unblemished record, before being topped.
"This is a tough tournament,"Gano said. "We've never won it, but we're going to keep wrestling hard and we'll see what happens."
Scot Pitzer is a Times staff reporter.

Round 1
Biglerville 45, Gettysburg 18
140-Nic Lieberum (B) fft; 145-Logan Bobo (B) p. Brandon Vogelsong, 1:27; 152-Shay Shive (B) p. Lucas Shultz, :29; 160-Seth Shive (B) d. Tony Cruz, 4-2; 171-Bryce Shaffer (G) d. Dale Nichols, 4-3; 189-D.J. Cool (G) d. Danny Thomas, 6-1; 215-Zach Mencl (G) fft; 285-Brett Smyers (B) p. Marshall Martin, 3:48; 103-Michael Shaffer (G) d. Briar Garber, 10-8; 112-Jesse Gardner (B) d. Justin Amato, 6-4; 119-Dustin Bower (B) p. Luke Mencl, 1:07; 125-Nick Leiphart (B) md. Matt Smith, 15-1; 130-Ryan Warner (G) d. Tim Kint, 9-6; 135-Nick Asper (B) fft.
*Biglerville deducted team point following 189.
Other results: Brandywine Heights 69, Oley Valley 12; Mount Carmel 52, Exeter 21; Carlisle 57, Greencastle 12.
Round 2
Kennard-Dale 38, Littlestown 36
145-Eric Smith (L) fft; 152-Thomas Showvaker (L) p. Folks, 2:34; 160-Lantz (KD) md. Charles Walls, 9-1; 171-Cory Beaver (L) p. Thompson, 1:10; 189-Page (KD) d. Joe Hansen, 4-2; 215-Ron Wetherson (L) p. Coulby, 4:19; 285-Tyler Zittle (L) p. Jones, :24; 103-Miller (KD) fft; 112-Stefanowicz p. Charles Keebaugh, 5:31; 119-Wilson (KD) d. Adam Bish, 8-2; 125-Gepp (KD) p. Michael Warner, 1:57; 130-Bracey (KD) md. Peter Leyva, 9-1; 135-Phil Macy (L) p. T. Robinson, 5:34; 140-B. Robinson (KD) p. Porter Strickler, 3:06.
Other results: Conestoga 48, Pottstown 20; Mount Carmel 48, Mercer 28; Carlisle 79, Oley Valley 0.
Round 3
Biglerville 36, Reading 33
152-Bauer (R) d. Bobo, 11-8; 160-Pena (R) md. Se. Shive, 10-2; 171-Ortiz (R) p. D. Gardner, :59; 189-Estela (R) p. Nichols, 1:07; 215-Thomas (B) d. Alvarez, 5-1; 285-Smyers (B) d. Metia, 4-2; 103-Garber (B) fft; 112-Gardner (B) p. Miller, :56; 119-Betancourt (R) tf. Leiphart, 1:50 (15-0); 125-Castillo (R) d. Bower, 16-11; 130-Galandis (R) p. Kint, 1:58; 135-Asper (B) p. Rodriguez, 1:47; 140-Lieberum (B) p. Gold, 2:49; 145-Sh. Shive (B) p. Moriarty, 3:34.
Littlestown 39, Exeter 25
152-Josh Lombard (L) d. Chrstian, 10-5; 160-Showvaker (L) p. Klebart, 3:48; 171-Walls (L) fft; 189-Beaver (L) fft; 215-Zittle (L) md. Farrell, 11-2; 285-Wetherson (L) fft; 103-Saylor (E) fft; 112-Kobylarz (E) md. Keebaugh, 14-4; 119-Bish (L) tf. Dreiling, 4:00 (16-0); 125-Hinkle (E) md. Warner, 12-2; 130-Feeny (E) d. Leyva, 6-2; 135-Macy (L) d. Giorgio, 5-2; 140-Edmonds (E) md. Strickler, 15-6; 145-Bower (E) md. Smith, 17-6.
Other results: Brandywine Heights 41, Dover 27; Kennard-Dale 36, Mercer 33.
Round 4
Conestoga 47, Gettysburg 22
160-Rogers (C) p. Cruz, 2:20; 171-Miles Sherman (G) d. Roe, 11-8; 189-Shaffer (G) p. Perkins, 2:14; 215-Cool (G) md. Marion, 14-3; 285-Martin (G) md. Frey, 14-2; 103-Horshor (C) d. Shaffer, 10-3; 112-Exler (C) d. Amato, 11-6; 119-Walk (C) p. L. Mencl, 2:10; 125-Chidester (C) p. Smith, 1:04; 130-Warner (G) tf. Christy, 18-3; 135-Biggin (C) fft; 140-Hyatt (C) fft; 145-Brady (C) p. Vogelsong, 5:50.
Other results: Dover 53, Greencastle 19; Reading 33, Pottstown 33 (Reading wins on bout criteria, 7-6)
Today
Wrestling begins at 9 a.m.
5th Round
Brandywine Heights vs. Greencastle, Biglerville vs. Pottstown, Littlestown vs. Mercer, Mount Carmel vs. Kennard-Dale.
6th Round
Conestoga vs. Reading, Mount Carmel vs. Littlestown, Dover vs. Oley Valley, Pottstown vs. Gettysburg.
7th Round
Brandywine Heights vs. Carlisle, Biglervile vs. Conestoga, Reading vs. Gettysburg, Kennard-Dale vs. Exeter.
8th Round
Greencastle vs. Oley Valley, Carlisle vs. Dover, Mercer vs. Exeter.Each team will wrestle two medal-round matches, with pairings to be determined following pool competition.

On Grace

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." Said his mother.

"I don't have to," The boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating, at our house."

"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"

On Genius

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

On 2008

1. Democracy stalls in Pakistan and the Pakistani military overthrows the current regime.
2. Iran and North Korea each conduct a "Nuclear Blackmail" stunt.
3. The New England Patriots lose.
4. Fidel Castro dies but US/Cuba relations do not improve.
5. The media blames all of the above on George W. Bush.

"Cousins"

the Mentzer family cousins (minus Meagan, umm where is she?) enjoying the Christmas season.

Happy New Year!

2008 is a Leap Year, folks, meaning we get an extra day - - - 366 days total.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leap_year

A leap year (or intercalary year) is a year containing one or more extra days (or, in case of lunisolar calendars, an extra month) in order to keep the calendar year synchronised with the astronomical or seasonal year. For example, February would have 29 days in a leap year instead of the usual 28. Seasons and astronomical events do not repeat at an exact number of full days, so a calendar which had the same number of days in each year would over time drift with respect to the event it was supposed to track. By occasionally inserting an additional day or month into the year, the drift can be corrected. A year which is not a leap year is called a common year.

Reporters Notebook (Gettysburg Times - 122207): "Power Outage"

What did ya’ll do during last Sunday’s power outage?
We had a classic “moment” compliments of Mom - at the Pitzer household.
The electric had been out since 9 a.m., so around 10:30 that same morning, Dad decided to brave the dicey weather conditions and trek three miles into Arendtsville, where Salim’s Mini-Mart was sure to have freshly-brewed coffee.
Father returned around noon, and delivered hot coffees to my sister and me.
The three of us then convened in the Dining Room, where Mom had decided to get a jump-start on her fifth-grade lesson plans at the dinner table.
With Mom’s head buried in a pile of note pads and books, the three of us positioned ourselves around the table, sipped our coffees, and caught up on the news of the weekend, hoping in the meantime that the electric in the upper portion of Adams County would miraculously activate.
My occupied mother immediately realized what was transpiring.
“Are you guys going to sit here all day?” she deadpanned.
The chatter immediately lulled as our collective heads veered toward Mom’s chair.
“What?” said my soon to be 20-year-old sister. “Don’t you like us?”
Before she even had a chance to reply, the house lights flickered on. And within seconds, the table congregation scattered.
Regardless, I think she really does like us.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer

Bowl Winners

Here is my prediction of the Bowl games based on the Mentzer Rankings

Poinsetta - Utah vs. Navy - Winner - Utah
Las Vegas - Brigham Young vs. UCLA - Winner - Brigham Young
New Orleans - Florida Atlantic vs. Memphis - Winner - Florida Atlantic
Papa John's.com - Southern Mississippi vs. Cincinnati - Winner - Cincinnati
New Mexico - Nevada vs. New Mexico - Winner - New Mexico
Armed Forces - California vs. Air Force - Winner - Air Force
Hawaii - Boise State vs. East Carolina - Winner - Boise State
Motor City - Purdue vs. Central Michigan - Winner - Central Michigan
Emerald - Maryland vs. Oregon State - Winner - Oregon State
Independence - Alabama vs. Colorado - Winner - Colorado
Texas - TCU vs. Houston - Winner - TCU
Holiday - Arizona State vs. Texas - Winner - Arizona State
Humanitarian - Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State - Winner - Fresno State
Music City - Kentucky vs. Florida State - Winner - Florida State
Sun - South Florida vs. Oregon - Winner - South Florida
Liberty - Central Florida vs. Mississippi State - Winner - Central Florida
Insight - Indiana vs. Oklahoma State - Winner - Oklahoma State
Champs Sports - Boston College vs. Michigan State - Winner - Boston College
Meineke - Connecticut vs. Wake Forest - Winner - Connecticut
Alamo - Penn State vs. Texas A&M - Winner - Penn State
Chick-fil-A - Clemson vs. Auburn - Winner - Clemson
Outback - Tennessee vs. Wisconsin - Winner - Wisconsin
Cotton - Missouri vs. Arkansas - Winner - Missouri
Capital One - Michigan vs. Florida - Winner - Florida
Gator - Texas Tech vs. Virginia - Winner - Virginia
Rose - Illinois vs. USC - Winner - Illinois
Fiesta - West Virginia vs. Oklahoma - Winner - Oklahoma
Orange - Kansas vs. Virginia Tech - Winner - Kansas
Sugar - Hawaii vs. Georgia - Winner - Hawaii
International - Ball State vs. Rutgers - Winner - Rutgers
GMAC - Tulsa vs. Bowling Green - Winner - Tulsa
BCS Championship - LSU vs. Ohio State - Winner - Ohio State

I actually have 3 variations to the main formula and based on those variations there are 3 games that could have a different outcome based on the averages of all 4 formulas. Those games are

Motor City Bowl - Purdue vs. Central Michigan
Meineke - Connecticut vs. Wake Forest
Chick-fil-A - Clemson vs. Auburn

Also the Music City Bowl is now skewed based on Florida States alternate learning style. My formulas do not take any of these activities into account.

This information is for entertainment purposes only.

today's Hillary Clinton quote of the day

Sept. 29, 2007: "Sometimes reporters write what I say and not what I mean."

On Good Deeds

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He opened it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

"Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely,
Edna "

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read,

"Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

...By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office."

Gettysburg Times: "Canners pound on Knights, win 57-15"

BY SCOT ANDREW PITZER
Times Staff Writer

WRIGHTSVILLE – Out to prove that last year’s school-record 23 wins was no fluke, the Biglerville Canner wrestling team launched its 2007-08 campaign on a positive note Thursday night, with a convincing 57-15 win over the Eastern York Golden Knights.
Biglerville head coach Bob Gano was pleased with his team’s aggressiveness over the undermanned Eastern York (0-1) squad.
“It was a typical first match of the season,” Gano said after watching his Canners win seven of the nine contested bouts. “We were a little sloppy, but it’s nice to finally get back out there on the mat and start our season.”
Biglerville (1-0) built a quick 13-0 lead thanks to a decision by senior Seth Shive at 160 pounds, ensued by a second period fall at 171 by Green Castle-Antrim transfer Dale Nichols, and then a Danny Thomas 16-8 major decision at 189 pounds.
“I thought that our kids that have experience went out there and had some fire,” Gano said.
One of those experienced grapplers, Gano continued, was junior heavyweight Brett Smyers. Pitted against a boatload in the form of Ryan Lehr at 285-pounds, Smyers was methodical in scoring a first period takedown and two near-fall points. He then added a third-period takedown to pad his lead, and notch a 6-0 victory that was never truly in question.
“I thought Brett Smyers did a great job,” Gano said, lauding his heavyweight. “He was never in any damage. He rode (Lehr) for almost an entire period, and put him on his back in the first period. Brett did everything that is supposed to do, and he did everything that he is taught to do. We’re going to need him this year.”
The Canners accrued four forfeits from 103-130, with only one bout – albeit an exciting one – contested in that stretch. Biglerville freshman Nick Leiphart used four takedowns, and several near-falls to assemble a 12-3 third period lead over Golden Knight Barry Lewis. But late in the final stanza, an over-aggressive Leiphart was reversed to his back, and pinned with four seconds remaining in the match.
“We made a mistake at 119, but it was an aggressive mistake, so it’s OK,” Gano said. “Nick will be a good kid for us.”
Juniors Nick Asper (135) and Nic Lieberum (140) added a pin and technical fall, respectively, followed by Shay Shive’s first period pin at 145-pounds to round out the scoring for Biglerville.
“Overall, it’s very early,” said Gano. “We need to get in better shape, because some of the mistakes we made were expected, but as the season continues, they’re not accepted.”
Biglerville is in action this weekend at the Solanco Wrestling Tournament.
Scot Pitzer is a Times staff reporter.
160 – Seth Shive (Big) dec. Phillip Landis (EY), 8-2
171 – Dale Nichols (Big) win by fall over Robert Mackley (EY), 2:50
189 – Dan Thomas (Big) major decision Dylan Stoops (EY), 16-8
215 – Donald Smuck (EY) win by FFT.
285 – Brett Smyers (Big) dec. Ryan Lehr, 6-0
103 – Briar Garber (Big) win by FFT.
112 – Jesse Gardner (Big) win by FFT.
119 – Barry Lewis (EY) win by fall over Nick Leiphart (Big), 5:56
125 – Dustin Bower (Big) win by FFT.
130 – Tim Kint (Big) win by FFT.
135 – Nick Asper (Big) win by fall over Aaron Trinh (EY), 3:44
140 – Nic Lieberum (Big) win by tech. fall (15-0) over Barrett Otterbein (EY), 5:54
145 – Shay Shive (Big) win by fall over Mark Holloway (EY), 1:34
152 – Dylan Grandalia (EY) dec. Logan Bobo, 1OT, 2-0

Reporters Notebook (Gburg Times - 12/08/07): "Never trust a Confederate woman"

I was standing along the back-end of Steinwehr Avenue several weekends ago, along with thousands of other individuals, at the annual Civil War Remembrance Day parade in Gettysburg, when it dawned on me: I was thirsty, hungry and cold.
Naturally, I asked photographer Bill Schwartz if he was interested in some food, and perhaps a hot drink, and he seemed to think that it was a great idea.
“Why don’t you just go into McDonald’s,” Bill suggested, as the fast-food joint was only a stone’s throw away, “and grab a coffee or two and a couple of double cheeseburgers.”
Sounds like a great plan.
But then, the plan was foiled — by women.
“I could use a cup of hot tea,” a lady dressed in Confederate garb told me.
One of her friends concurred that hot drinks were a great idea.
So, I went into McDonald’s, stood in line for what seemed like 45 minutes, and finally was able to speak to a cashier. They didn’t have hot tea, so I ordered four coffees instead: one for me, one for Bill, and two for the friendly Confederate lasses who were positioned along Steinwehr.
“What a load of crap,” I thought. “I can’t believe I just waited in a fast-food line for 45 minutes. Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose?”
I found the group outside, and handed the girls their hot drinks. What I didn’t realize was that those women had friends.
As I disbursed the coffees, two more Confederate women gathered in the immediate area, and displayed puppy-dog faces.
I glanced at Bill, who convincingly gave me the “You know what to do” look.
“Aaaaaand, these coffees are for you,” I told the girls who had joined the party.
I gave all of the drinks away. My double-cheeseburger tasted like plastic. And it was very, very cold.
At least the North won again.
~ Scot Andrew Pitzer

On Current Events

The war in Iraq is "twice as popular" as the US Congress so let's stop worrying about ending the war and start worrying about....

On Politics

2007 Week 14 Mentzer College Football Rankings - Top 25 +

1 Hawaii 1.0000
2 Kansas 0.9674
3 Ohio State 0.9524
4 Missouri 0.9231
5 Virginia Tech 0.9210
6 LSU 0.8916
7 Arizona State 0.8795
8 Oklahoma 0.8787
9 Florida 0.8780
10 West Virginia 0.8672
11 Georgia 0.8616
12 Michigan 0.8430
13 South Florida 0.8398
14 Wisconsin 0.8333
15 Clemson 0.8311
16 Illinois 0.8274
17 Boston College 0.8197
18 Brigham Young 0.8133
19 Connecticut 0.8125
20 Boise State 0.8106
21 USC 0.8047
22 Central Florida 0.7911
23 Penn State 0.7756
24 Tennessee 0.7752
25 Texas 0.7746

86 Notre Dame 0.3169

120 Idaho 0.0066