Quotable

"It doesn't mean anything. Like "RamaLamaDingDong" or "Give Peace a Chance"."

- Homer Simpson

Fun while it lasted.....

The Vikings recent run of 6 straight victories came to an end Sunday in an 18-3 loss to the Steelers.

My hero, Brad Johnson, finally showed his mortality with a couple of bad interceptions, but hell, even "Fran the Man" had a bad day here and there.

For the first time in years, the Vikings have what appears to be a competent defense. I hope they keep the defense together, sign Brad Johnson for next year, let Culpepper go and spend their money on a kick-ass running back.

Furthermore...

I am the only quarterback in the history of the NFL to have completed a touchdown pass to myself.

Who am I?

What the....?

The Minnesota Vikings are 3-0 in November after defeating Green Bay last night at Lambeau field. The Vikings leading receiver last night was tight end Jermaine Wiggins with 7 receptions for 67 yards.

Wiggins has spindly legs and a beer belly.

....and so say all of us

Brad Johnson is the best quarterback the Vikings have had since Fran Tarkenton.

Can you pass the 8th grade math test

***You Passed 8th Grade Math***

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Horse Talk

2 yr. old colt "Justawalkinthepark" , Joe Bravo up, breaks his maiden going away by 7 1/2 lengths earning a "90" Beyer rating for the effort in only his second start.

"Justawalkinthepark"s syndicate ownership includes a friend of the Free Advice blog. The colts trainer believes this colt may be Kentucky Derby material. The colt earned a 77 Beyer rating in the first race of his career, which is a better rating than half of last years Derby entrants in their 1st career starts.

McLogic

O's release Sidney Ponson?

Any one have any concrete information regarding this speculation?

So there!

If in any figure AacE, terminated by the right lines Aa, AE, and the curve acE, there be inscribed any number of parallelograms Ab, Bc, Cd, &c., comprehended under equal bases AB, BC, CD, &c., and the sides, Bb, Cc, Dd, &c., parallel to one side Aa of the figure; and the parallelograms aKbl, bLcm, cMdn, &c., are completed. Then if the breadth of those parallelograms be supposed to be diminished, and their number to be augmented in infinitum; I say, that the ultimate ratios which the inscribed figure AkbLcMdD, the circumscribed figure AalbmcndoE, and curvilinear figure abased, will have to one another, are ratios of equality.

- Sir Isaac Newton (Principia Mathematica)

Methinks thou dost protest too much

Sometime after World War I, Albert Einstein became an outspoken supporter of Zionism. This made him highly unpopular in certain circles. His theories came under attack; an anti-Einstein organization was set up. One man was convicted of inciting others to murder Einstein (for which he was fined 6 dollars).

When a book was published entitled 100 Authors Against Einstein, he retorted, "If I were wrong, then one would have been enough!"

- Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time)

There she is......

I watched the end of the movie "The Freshman" on television the other day. Matthew Broderick is a college freshman who unwittingly gets in cahoots with the mob. Marlon Brando plays "Carmine Sabbatini", the head mobster.

The climactic scene is a lavish dinner party hosted by Carmine Sabbatini. The entertainment for the dinner party is none other than Bert Parks (he of Miss America Pageant host fame). One of the numbers Bert sings for the dinner guests is "Maggies Farm" and I must say that the very notion of the Miss America Pageant host singing a Bob Dylan tune, coupled with the contrast of styles between Parks and Dylan is at least as captivating as an automobile wreck. Perhaps even a train wreck.

From the friendly folks at Jack Daniels....

Hmmm.....

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."

- Albert Einstein

Witnessed today

Sidney Ponson...traded?

ESPN News is reporting that the portly Aruban Knight has been traded to San Diego for Phil Nevin. Thoughts?

pi

59-year-old Akira Haraguchi of Japan recently broke the world record for the recited number of digits of Pi. Haraguchi-san recited an amazing 83,431 digits of Pi during a 13-hour overnight stretch. See The PI World Ranking List for more records for memorizing PI, e and the sqare root of two while or while not juggling.

Sometimes the best things in life are free....

Hmmm.......

Tiger Woods has won the Masters golf tournament at Augusta National 4 times. He took the green jacket in 1997, 2001, 2002 and most recently in 2005.

Augusta National performed extensive renovations to the golf course in 1998 and 2003.

Augusta National is at it again.

snake venom...

...ever wonder why its soooo deadly? I'm using it in my chemistry research to chop up DNA... well, not just chop it up, more like mutilate (sp?) it! Of the two species of snake venom I'm using, both completely tear up DNA in to its basic units. Remember, DNA is the blueprint for everything biological. So you can imagine someone may not make it when a snake bite turns that blue print into paper shreds.

Will Smith

Okay, so I was watching some movies at the beach, and Will Smith popped up in a couple. Yeah, he's more famous for his tv role in the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire..... but he's done some cool movies also (and he raps... but lets not talk about that). Below I ranked his movies from the best to the worst, but I think I'm missing a movie or two. Let me know if you can think of them. (Also, I never watched Ali, but I figured it couldn't be worse then the ones below it. Also, I haven't seen his new movie "Hitch." It seemed like a chick flick... so maybe one of these days I'll get a girl to come over and we'll rent it. Thus, it's not ranked.

1. Independence Day
2. Men in Black I
3. Bad Boys I
4. iRobot
5. Ali
6. Bad Boys II
7. The Legand of Bagger Vance
8. Men in Black II
9. Wild Wild West

Vocabulary

Reintarnation, (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Vocabulary

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

The discovery of the bozone is a significant achievement, as it substantiates the following theory which now becomes an immutable physical law:

There are no stupid questions, only stupid people who ask quesions.

Why is 18 holes the golf tradition?

During a discussion among the club membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to drink a fifth of Scotch. By limiting oneself to one shot of Scotch per hole, the round of golf was completed when the Scotch ran out.

Good Advice. and it's Free. 

More Vocab

Bore: [One] who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
~Gian Vincenzo Gravina

Voodoo Boy Says...

The Red Sox victory in the 2004 World Series did not break the "curse of the Bambino". Their dramatic 4 game sweep after falling behind 3-0 in the ALCS passed the curse on to the Yankees.

More Vocabulary

BENEFACTOR, n.
One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all.

Vocabulary Update

JUSTICE, n.
A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

A Memorial Day Roundup

Was anyone else literally EXHAUSTED on Tuesday after the Memorial Day festivities at Grandma Mentzers?

I think you'd be hardpressed to find another family picnic that offers (a). golf, (b). wiffleball, (c). horseshoes, (d). poker.

Like my wise Uncle Stan said, "It's like the county fair. You can't do it all in one day."